Safe Driver

September 2, 2010

Have you ever had the thrill of riding in a rail buggy? Wowzer! I got a chance today and let me tell you, it was awesome! Of course, since it was my first time I wasn’t sure if I needed a helmet… knee pads… or to make sure my life insurance was paid up. But I soon realized I was in very capable hands as we pulled out of the parking lot and onto the main road.

Actually, I preferred the rail buggy to a motorcycle because I didn’t have to straddle anything. Always a plus when a girl doesn’t have to hike her leg to… um… never mind. Instead, I climbed in, got comfy and watched as the asphalt zoomed past under our feet. I was hooked and would like to drive one myself. Think I’ll check out eBay.

Speaking of driving, AAA just published a reminder that there are other drivers on the road. Not exactly a news flash, I know. But why does it always seem like the entire state is driving to Wally World at precisely the same time you are? In response to our frustration AAA says, JUST DRIVE. Multi-tasking and driving don’t mix. Of course, if you can chew gum and drive you’re ahead of some that drive among us. However, making the kids’ lunch, applying fake tattoos or texting a list of the top 10 things you hate about your ex are all major no-no’s. Be safe; just drive… plot revenge later.

Now, I know you like to think of your car as the ultimate land-yacht party mobile. And it does look cool with fake bullet holes. But jamming to new CDs while your friends are playing musical shotgun roulette is not appropriate behavior while driving… unless it’s your turn to call ‘shotgun’ of course. Then I suggest stopping at a red light as you climb into the passenger seat… just thinking safety.

AAA also suggests not driving when tired or otherwise falling asleep behind the wheel. (Ya think?) Dickens, we’re all busy running errands, working, getting together with friends to socialize and meet new friends. Then staying out late to talk to ‘new friends’ until the lights come on and the club owner throws you out… oh wait, that was me! Anyway, we’ll all be safer if we’d just get plenty of sleep.

Remember the song, “I can’t drive 55” by Sammy Hagar? Well, I’ll admit, I occasionally go a smidge over the posted limit. But more often than not, I’m the one eating dust! AAA frowns on this, however, because more accidents are caused by speeding. Besides, you’ll save gas, stop quicker, and won’t scare elderly drivers if you drive within (a smidge of) the speed limit. And unless you’re willing to risk a ticket, or running from the police, stay out of the left lane. It’s not for daydreaming, it’s for passing. Don’t piss someone off who wants to drive faster than you. Let them.

Hand-in-hand with speeding, is allowing ample time to arrive at your destination. For instance, if you have to be at grandma’s house by noon for cousin Tiny’s birthday bash down by the swimming hole where Jimmy and Sarah got caught skinny dipping two weeks ago, and across from the field where Farmer Jenkins’ cow died last year after it broke a leg in a gopher hole, but not before the missus found it then fell on a tree branch, which had fallen during the last storm, while running to get the town vet… And that’s why Ida Jenkins has a patch over her left eye. Huh? What? Oh yeah...pee first; then leave your house in plenty of time to get where you are going.

Speaking of time, think of your steering wheel as a clock, appropriate hand placement used to be 10 and 2. However, cars today are equipped with airbags and grabbing the wheel at 4 and 8 will avoid most airbag injuries. I’ve also seen the wrist-rested-on-top done successfully. I’m a one-handed 8 o’clocker myself. Then there is the emergency knee maneuver which I wouldn’t recommend unless it really is an emergency, like dropping a French fry. AAA also suggests not wearing restrictive clothing. (Define restrictive…spandex? Speedos?) Also, wear comfortable shoes, which they say, does NOT include high heels. Jeepers, high heels are the main staple of my shoe fetish.

The one thing, however, that they forgot to mention is driving with common sense. Personally, the only drivers that I fantasize about ‘spinning out’ are the ones that pull out in front of me when there is nothing but a barren wasteland of steaming asphalt in my rearview mirror. Think you could wait a smidge longer till I pass you? Because there is NO ONE BEHIND ME!! Drive safe everyone.

Can you imagine…how Ida got her peg leg?

It’s always safe to smile while you drive.

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