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Ask G

May 4, 2017

The time is drawing near when I take a break from our weekly rendezvous and chill-lax for the summer. Actually, chilling and relaxing are the least of what I’ll be doing, or have ever done. Technically, the reason I started taking summers off years ago is: I’m simply too busy taking care of everything around here and everyone who needs me here and elsewhere.

Beginning with my house…which, at 120 years old, needs some minor attention. Dickens, at 29 forever, I need some attention! Um…moving right along. But first on the summer agenda, a second annual beach trip with my daughter and the adorably rambunctious dynamic duo will slide into June rather nicely. Definite chill-laxing time. After which, I’ll return rested and refreshed, happy to paint and stain the deck and attached fencing, install a door behind the garage and possibly start the kitchen remodel project. Oh, and lest I forget…when I’m not outside slaving away on DIY projects, on cloudy or rainy days I’ll be inside putting finishing touches on the book I’m releasing soon.

Wait...I’ve just had an epiphany! Maybe there’s a way we can avoid a three-month separation this year. Yikes, I haven’t run this by my editor yet but...think of all the wild and wacky possibilities if Erma Bombeck and Ann Landers were tossed in a blender with my zany, madcap sense of humor. Wowzer! Drum roll please…I call it “Ask G”. Apropos, right?

Your mission, should you choose to accept it would be to ask me anything. What! Let me rephrase that. ALMOST ANYTHING! I’ll respond in my usual out-of-the-box, insanely zany, yet poignantly intellectual style. Meaning, depending on the query you’re liable to read: clever and witty, hilarious humor, sobering advice, fake fiction, freaky facts, creative cognition, or all of the above. Being sensitive, of course, to those who really want to know which came first, chicken nuggets or curly fries.

Beautiful G, seeming to say, ‘let me help’

Sounds like a fun filled way to whittle away the sunny summer daze, doesn’t it? Except, at this exact moment, I’m unable to commit to answering your mind boggling and incredibly insightful questions each week. Yet I could possibly…maybe…almost guarantee a bi-weekly retort of complete pandemonium caused by excessive sun exposure. Hmmmm…let me think. Yep, I believe, even with my demanding solar-powered schedule I could type out loud on a totally arbitrary timetable inconsistent with meeting any prior deadline agreements.

Deal? Good. Now, if we’re really going to make this work two things need to happen. First: you need to commence pondering queries of a grandiose scale on precisely what you’d like me to reply. Second: we, as in usin’s, need to convince FOCUS (especially my favorite Editor) to consider “Ask G” worthy of enough entertainment value, solid advice, no holds barred fact research…well, purely entertainment value works for me if it works for y’all…to materialize between the pages of my favorite weekly newspaper.

However, my busy season doesn’t start until after May, and this year May seems to be full of notable happenings. First, the flutter of two hearts beating as one consummating the marriage of two special lovebirds, Gina and Kent. Surely to erupt this weekend in an earth-shattering display of rose petals and rice. Okay, I really don’t know if rice will rain down on them after the long awaited “I do’s” but the wedding, with reception immediately following, promises to be a festive affair. Complete with disco music. Disco! Shoot fire, count me in!

Also, it’s almost Mother’s Day and in case I forget to mention it next week here’s wishing you a scrumptiously joyful Happy Mother’s Day!!! May you be blessed on your special day and always.

Can you imagine…which came first?

Smile, sunny days ahead!



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