| Happy Birthday!
July 1, 2010
Happy birthday to you… happy birthday to you… happy birthday Aaa-mer-riiiica… happy birthday to YOU!!
Yes, this great country we live in is turning 234 years old Sunday and while we’ve had our share of growing pains over the years she’s looking pretty good for her age. You know, I was just thinking it’s a good thing we signed away our freedom from Great Britain in 1776 because I just  can’t imagine a redneck with a British accent. Can you?
If you’ll recall your history lessons we started over 200 years ago with just thirteen colonies. Now America has grown into a nation of fifty amazing states with their own special qualities, attractions and residents. Of course, we have the occasional joke about West Virginia hillbillies and armpits in New Jersey. But we only poke fun because we love you guys. Okay, maybe not Jersey so much, however, we must remember armpits play an essential role in any anatomy.
Speaking of anatomy, I learned a few things about the anatomy of this country that I thought I’d pass along while you’re still sober enough to take it all in. Because I know some of you are celebrating already; like on your birthday when you start partying the month before. Just remember… no drinking and driving, no drinking and peeing in the pool. And there is no way drinking will afford you the ability to recite the Declaration of Independence. So just forget about it.
Anyway, did you realize when the Declaration of Independence was signed there were only 2.5 million folks living in this country? Today’s birthday party guest list is approximately 309.6 million strong and still growing. Dickens, that’s a lot of party hats and barbecue chicken!
Also, almost three million dollars worth of America flags were imported from China last year. You know, somehow, that just seems un-American. This year try to buy your flags locally. Or at least take the little gold ‘made in China’ sticker off before you go streaking around the neighborhood waving Old Glory proudly. Oh yeah, saw you last year… nice tan… thought the moon was full.
BANG! POW! Hey, that reminds me. Let’s talk fireworks. Nothing quite compares to an amazing firework display complete with a huge grand finale of noise, bright lights and smoke. Wowzer, talk about birthday candles! Sort of gives your little sparkler Big Bang Envy, doesn’t it? Yet, China shines again with over $200 million in imported fireworks. (Actually, I didn’t realize that many fireworks were oriental… they sound American.)
Now you’re asking, “So, what do we have that China doesn’t have?” Well, I’ll tell you… FOOD! Hotdogs for starters; and the state with the most four-legged porkers is Iowa. Of course, North Carolina is one of the top four, so chances are your grilled hotdogs came from our home state. But if you’re like me and would rather throw a steak (or hamburger) on the grill it probably came from a Texas longhorn. Obviously, Texas just has more room to roam because there are about four pigs to every one cow, so they would naturally raise beef rather than pork. And according to measurement conversion charts that equates to four hotdogs per every steak.
North Carolina is also one of the leaders in chickens too, which means your barbecue chicken probably came from close by. And if you’re even thinking about having a cookout this July Fourth and not having watermelon, think again. Floridians have been busy growing the best watermelons in the country. And I’m here to tell you if it doesn’t come from China you should put it on the menu.
Well, that’s all the anatomy I’m passing along. Have a safe and wonderful Fourth of July this year. Whether you cookout, watch fireworks or have your own backyard display remember we are celebrating over 200 years of standing on our own two feet and we should be proud to be an American, armpits and all! Goodness, all this talk about food made me hungry. Chinese anyone?
Can you imagine…a safe and Happy Fourth of July?!
Smiling makes everything brighter.
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