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Just Thinking Out Loud Here

March 5, 2015

It is somewhat disturbing that when you ask someone, who is obviously in deep thought, what they are thinking, 90% of the time the response is “Nothing!” Is that possible? How does one not think? To be fair it’s possible that some of these folks are thinking of personal matters and don’t want to share. An equal amount may be processing their thoughts so quickly it makes the answer impossible. There’re also those whom have trouble transcending thoughts into spoken words that would make sense to anyone not thinking them.

Yet it boggles the mind to consider that many are being truthful and truly thinking of nothing. Personally, my brain never shuts up. I am constantly annoying the hell out of myself. It’s like I refuse to give me a moments peace. So what am I thinking about? Well it may be borderline insane but it’s certainly not “nothing” (proper use of a double negative).

They say microwave ovens lose power over time as their magnetron (that sounds like a Transformer name) tubes wear out. However, every one I’ve ever owned has gotten more powerful with age. Something that would normally take a minute takes only 30 seconds after a few years. It’s like it reaches its peak right before it dies. Wish there were some warning because if you knew it were gonna die you could try to blow it up. Stuff it full of aerosol cans and duct tape it shut...not in the house, I suppose.

What would happen if you put a car battery in a microwave? It’s odd that Bruce Willis never endorsed DieHard batteries, but refers to himself as the Energizer Bunny in the 3rd Die Hard film. I’m afraid for and of Die Hard 6. Should they re-launch that series with Jason Statham and call it Eveready?

Is there a One Way, Dead End street out there somewhere? If you lived on one you could either never get home or never leave. That makes an interesting metaphor for a graveyard at the end of a dead end street. Seems fitting and yet simultaneously redundant. How old should a person be before making their final arrangements? Husbands and wives shouldn’t be buried side by side. The agreement is “Till death do us part.” After that you should be allowed to see other people.

The word “random” should appear in the dictionary more than once and never in the right alphabetical placement.

Has Batman ever used a baseball bat? Yeah, I know it’s not “that kind of bat” but he could really beat the s*** out of somebody with one. Why do they always use man? Batman, Spiderman, Superman etc... Why not use guy? Everybody thinks Aquaman sucks anyway so couldn’t he be Aquaguy? Hmmm, to add to his suckiness level Aquaman is the only one of the aforementioned “mans” that set off the spell check.

“Don’t you wish everything were made like Rubbermaid?” Not really. It would seem like a Rubbermaid ladder would suck. Does Rubbermaid make blow-up French dolls? A literal rubber maid? Would an iron maiden made by Rubbermaid be a rubber maiden? Ever heard a rubber band?

Flashlights don’t actually flash. Shouldn’t they be called steady-lights?

ran·dom; (?rand?m/) adjective- made, done, happening, or chosen without method or conscious decision.

What does Silly Putty have to do to be taken seriously? If you saved someone’s life with Silly Putty (yes it can be done) would it still be silly?

Wow! Two hours writing this article about what I think about and I haven’t mentioned thinking about Zombies or poop...damn it, there went that. Oh well. Do zombies poop? There, knocked that thought out really quick. I wonder if anybody will make it to the end of this? If they do, they’ll be reading this right now. I wonder if they’re waiting for some end joke or profound realization statement...that’s how these thing usually end. Hmmm, ya know screw it! There may not be a point here but at least I’ve given them something to think about...probably my sanity.

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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