Custom Search





Graveside Trivia With Frank

March 26, 2015

It has been such a crazy, hectic week here at the House o’ Saw that I’ve been left with no time to compose a literary symphony for this week’s article. Luckily my friend Frank never has anything to do and volunteered to fill in for me. You probably know Frank better as The Angel of Death or perhaps The Grim Reaper but he and I have been on a first name basis after he’s come to try and claim my soul after death...several times. So without further ado we turn it over to Frank for something right up his dead-end alley: morbid and macabre trivial tidbits.

1. A body decomposes four times as fast in water than on land. This is why you drown your victims instead of burying them alive.

2. A human head remains conscious for about 15 to 20 seconds after it is decapitated. But only if you do it quickly. Prolonged decapitation could lead to unconsciousness.

3. A murder is committed in the US every 23 minutes, which makes about 22,852 murders each year. Lot of busy murderers out there.

4. About 100 people choke to death on ballpoint pens each year. Why they’re eating ballpoint pens is the real question.

5. Cancer is the second leading cause of death in Orange County, California. Number one is heart disease. The third is because no one wants to live in Orange County.

6. Diabetes is the fourth leading cause of death in the U.S., accounting for about 180,000 deaths per year. Those who don’t die of diabetes stand a higher risk of pen choking.

7. Each year in the US there are about 300,000 deaths that can be attributed to obesity. Suffocation by being fallen on by a fat people seems a terrible way to go.

8. In 1992, approximately 750 deaths occurred in the United States due to workplace violence. Being a slacker and living in your parents basement seems like a safer route.

9. Dr. Alice Chase, who wrote Nutrition for Health, died of malnutrition. Irony at its finest.

10. In 1845, President Andrew Jackson’s pet parrot was removed from his funeral for swearing.

11. On September 11 1916 in Erwin, Tennessee an elephant was once hanged for murder. Umm, it seems hanging an elephant would be more trouble than what it’s worth. Couldn’t they find a more conventional way to execute a pachyderm?

12. On January 4, 1903 Topsy the elephant was sentenced to execution. She was fed poison, electrocuted, and strangled, with the electrocution part ultimately killing her. Oh...apparently they had tried the conventional approach.

13. When Thomas Edison died in 1941 Henry Ford caught his dying breath in a bottle. Did his breath smell like cooked elephant (check online for that sick inside joke).

14. In 19th century Europe there was so much anecdotal evidence that living people were mistakenly declared dead that cadavers were laid out in “hospitals for the dead” while attendants awaited signs of putrefaction. This was a very trying time for me.

15. In the Spanish Pyrenees, when a beekeeper dies, each of his bees is splashed with a drop of Black Ink. Because there’s apparently nothing to watch on television in the Pyrenees.

16. Nutmeg is extremely poisonous if injected intravenously, it can kill you. Wait isn’t that Chainsaw’s dogs name? I hope he doesn’t try to shoot up with a Shih Tzu.

17. On average, people fear spiders more than they do dying. However, statistically you are more likely to be killed by a champagne cork than by the bite of a poisonous spider.

18. On average, right-handed people live 9 years longer than their left-handed counterparts. On the other hand over 2500 left handed people are killed each year from using products made for right handed people.

19. The leading cause of death for children between the ages of 1 and 4 are motor vehicle crashes. Nothing funny there just bad parenting.

20. When a person dies, hearing is generally the last sense to go. The first sense lost is usually sight. Then follows taste, smell, and touch. So if you want to insult them... wait for it.

21. Never take life too seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

Thanks for reading hopefully Chainsaw will be back next week. Till then I hope I don’t see you soon.

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.