Building Up To It
April 2, 2015
Within the first few years of owning my home I came to the same conclusion of many a new homeowner, that the need for an outside storage facility was imminent. It seems odd that, modern civilization being what it is, home builders don’t just automatically add on an extra storage appendage during construction. Actually they do; it’s called a garage. I had one of those and still need more space. Sigh, it’s like the little animated animals in DreamWorks films say, “With humans enough is never enough!” Ya know maybe if we’re as modernly civilized as we like to believe we should learn to consolidate, conserve and make better use of our available space. But we aren’t and we won’t and if we did all those building supply and home improvement businesses would go out of business. So it would seem it’s in the best interest of our already unstable economy for us to continue to over-consume. So we’ll have a need for places to store our over-consumption. Where the hell am I going with this? Oh yeah: I needed a building.
After much math, measuring and shopping around I came to a brilliant conclusion. It would actually be cheaper to build a building than to buy a pre-built building. There was only one problem, I had never built a building. As a matter of fact I had never built anything. My knowledge of architecture was imaginary and my carpentry skills were mediocre at best. But why let ignorance or lack of craftsmanship be an inhibitor? So armed with will power, a hammer and a bologna budget I set forth to construct a construction that would contradict my constricted capabilities. So...we start with the floor right? Of course, because it’s on the bottom. Amazingly within the first weekend the floor was laid and level. Then in a days time the walls’ framework went up. Things were progressing nicely. Then it rained. And then...it rained some more. For two weeks nothing but pounding relentless rain. Well at least the floor did not leak.
Despite the weather and lack of funds I did finally build that building and oh it was glorious...no that’s a lie...it was a suck. The roof leaked, the floor buckled and the door handle was an old golf club...seriously. With the budget overbudgeted I had to mix all the leftover outdoor paint I had just to paint it, so at least the mess was all the same color. In the end this puke green abomination would sit, rapidly deteriorating in the back yard, for the next several years, housing rusting lawn tools, a broken down lawn tractor and assorted crap there was no room for in the house. Until Lil Red came along.
By the time my doting spouse came on the scene the now dilapidated eyesore had become a accepted and familiar dilapidated eyesore. Kind of like a friend that gets on your nerves and never leaves but it wouldn’t seem right if they weren’t there. Red accepted my eccentricities and fond feelings towards inanimate objects. Though she did voice her opinion of the building (due to censorship I cannot divulge her comments here). So the building stayed...then we decided to have our wedding in the back yard.
We both agreed there was no way in holy hell that thing was going to be a backdrop in our wedding photos (talk about a foreboding of doom). So with a heavy heart and even heavier sledge hammer I laid to rest my slowly decomposing architectural nightmare. On the lighter side of things, by this time my carpentry skills had improved dramatically and thus much of the building’s remains were recycled. The unpainted, untainted interior wood was artfully shaped into the platform where Red and I would take our vows.
Time has passed since then. In recent years in which we’ve had to push mow the lawn in the summer heat the decision to finally purchase a riding mower was unanimous. In addition, the garage was becoming overcrowded, with it serving as the wife’s sun room, Tot’s playroom, my workshop and storage for all gardening and lawn tools. We needed some space and a place to park that Cub Cadet mower I’d gotten such a great deal on.
So after looking over our budget, much math, measuring and shopping around we came to a brilliant conclusion...we bought a friggin’ building.
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