Smurf The Whole Day Through!
April 30, 2015
The Smurfs kicked ass! Deep down everybody knows this. Because everybody’s at least heard of the Smurfs and if you’re a child of the 80’s you have no excuse. Right now there are a few manly men who, because they are insecure in their masculinity and secretly fear anything that might put it into question, are saying- “Them Smurfs is queer! That was about the gayest show there ever was.” Funny, you being so masculine and manly, you have such an in-depth perspective on defining homosexuality. Get over it, as a kid you watched it and you loved it, so go to hell you’re not fooling anybody.
And what wasn’t to love? The Smurfs had the picture perfect society. They had one leader who was loved and adored by all. There was no bother of politics, elections or sub-committees; Papa Smurf’s word was law, no questions asked. The other Smurfs accepted this not because they were forced too but just because that’s the way it was. Besides, they were too busy with their own chosen branch of work. Each Smurf had a specific job title or function. This job title or function also served as their name and identity. When they got up each morning they knew what their duties were without question and carried them out to ensure the survival of their society. Though, it is questionable as to what contributions Jokey, Lazy or Clumsy Smurf made to the community as a whole.
Regardless of their individual civic duties they were all paid the same wages; which was nothing, aside from the privilege of living in the village. No Smurf was better than any other Smurf, except in their personal field of expertise. They all lived in the same style of housing. Which were all identical; aside from certain items which were required for their careers. And none of them had bathrooms, which makes one question where all those Smurf berries went and why there wasn’t a Smurf named Constipated. At this point the Smurfs are starting to sound like a bunch of little blue communists. That particular comparison is a much traveled road on the subject of the Smurfs, but there is a deeper darker one and that’s where we’re headed.
Just about everyone remembers or has heard of the Smurfs but how many of you recall Homnibus? In the Smurfs first television incarnation, Homnibus is a kindly old wizard (with a generic “God-like” appearance) who through sorcery and magic creates the Smurfs. Papa Smurf he crafts in his own image (which explains the facial hair) to serve as their leader and guardian. The Smurfs come to Papa with their trials and woes and Papa uses magic of his own to solve their problems...almost like performing a miracle.
The religious community was immediately up in arms at this travesty, offended by this blasphemous retelling of Creation. Papa Smurf was obviously a symbolic version of Christ and Gargamel was without question reprising the role of Lucifer. It didn’t help that Gargamel’s cats name was Azreal, which is another name for the Devil. The Smurfs themselves resembled all of humanity.
Ironically this retelling had some interesting variations which really shook things up. The Adam and Eve bit was skipped entirely, opting for a male dominated society with a predetermined population. Their “Jesus” by way of Papa Smurf, was with them in the beginning to guide and teach them as they went along. True evil and temptation was presented to them simultaneously after they had established their society, because in this version Satan created Eve (That would be Gargamel making Smurfette). One female stood no chance in corrupting them all, they had their fellow Smurfs to turn to and in the end they converted her over to the Smurfy way of life.
In truth the Smurfs were created as fictitious fun characters, which fell in the category of fairies, sprites, elves and other mythological, nature-based creatures. Any resemblance to anything biblical was obviously pure coincidence.
So why the uproar and protest over the little blue commies? Because it proved that there were other alternatives for creation which may have worked. Because the Smurfs had the advantage to know it’s always bros before hos.
This is a Chainsaw Classic column. Saw is taking some time off, and will be back soon with new stuff!
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