Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand!
Or, The Rise Of The Content
And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!
May 7, 2015
The Story So Far (for anyone who remembers or even cares):
Following the fall of man the happy bunnies took their place as man’s successor, as the dominant species. The happy bunnies lived in the meadow under the tall old oak tree. They played in the sunshine, nibbling on the dandelions and eating juicy carrots that grew by the stream which flowed past the oak. The happy bunnies enjoyed the occasional cigar and fresh beer that they made in their little brewery located under the oak. But some of the happy bunnies weren’t happy, so a war broke out between the happy and unhappy bunnies and they killed each other. The meadow was covered in happy bunny bodies and the stream ran red with happy bunny blood. The few survivors repopulated the happy bunny population.
Then they contracted happy bunny STD’S, turned into zombie happy bunnies, war broke out again and all the happy bunnies died again…except one.
High above the meadow and carnage, in the branches of the tall old oak, existed the placid community of the Content and yet Paranoid Squirrels. Their business was their nuts. They gathered their nuts, they stored their nuts, they counted their nuts, they shared their nuts, they played with their nuts…you get the idea. Mostly they were protective of their nuts and feared (this is where the paranoid part comes into play) someone touching their nuts. So they had placed the most paranoid of themselves to guard their nuts. Feeling that even though it would lead to occasional unnecessary panic, it would ensure that all was well and they could be content knowing their nuts were safe.
They were so content with their nuts and the simplicity of their lives they had taken no notice of all the activity below. It didn’t involve them or their nuts so it wasn’t anything to be paranoid over. Thus they went contentedly about their daily routine with as little paranoia as possible. How could they have ever known that with the fall of the happy bunnies, they would become the next in line to rule the planet as the dominant species? Honestly, they probably never would have known, had that one last happy bunny not burrowed into the roots of the tall oak.
Blinded, mortally wounded and disoriented, the last of the happy bunnies (not exactly sure how one could be blind, mortally wounded, disoriented and still considered happy) began to burrow upward into the oak itself. Finally, after days of digging, he emerged in the tree’s hollowed top. This ironically also happened to be the main storage facility for the squirrels’ nuts. Word went out, contentment was lost and paranoia justified. Someone was touching their nuts and they didn’t like it. Soon the entire, now discontent, squirrel community had assembled, all eyes on the intruder.
The last of the happy bunnies sniffed the air and understood where he was. Using the last of his energy he stood and addressed the squirrels. He told them of the fall of man and the rise of the rabbits. He warned them against the dangers of over population, the threat of disease and horrors of war. Then with his dying breath he began to tell them of how they would now succeed the happy bunnies as the planets dominant species. He never got to finish. The squirrels rushed him and threw him from the tree. He tumbled end over end and was impaled on a broken beer bottle. And so the short lived legacy of the happy bunnies had come to a final end…but what of the squirrels? Did they heed the warnings of the rabbit? Did they take their place as the dominant species? No, they went back to business as usual and were quite content though still yet paranoid.
Don’t try to rule the world, just be happy to be in it. Keep things simple and be content with what you have. And most importantly—Don’t let anybody touch your nuts!
This is a Chainsaw Classic! Saw will be back in a couple of weeks with all new stuff.
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