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Boggin Me Down

June 4, 2015

Dogs! With their down filled, faux fur lined beds, irritating loud variety of squeaky toys and matching, labeled, water and food dishes. Because we all know that dogs can read and actually give a s*** if you put their kibble in a mislabeled bowl.

Dogs! With their cozy warm dog houses, inside roofed over outdoor kennels. Because gawd forbid they have to go inside when it rains like the rest of us. Dogs! Forced to fight each other to the death and be used as a “bad-ass status symbol” for those too stupid to realize it would be cheaper to just buy a gun.

Dogs! Penned up and living only to breed so humans can profit from selling their off-spring. Dogs! Abandoned, abused, chained to a tree, exposed to the elements and in some cases left to die. Because people don’t understand it is not stupidity but loyalty and love that keep them there.

Dogs! Packed into shelters because people realize it’s easier to dump, replace and start over when they aren’t cuddly pups anymore. Dogs…one has to wonder if their fates were considered by our ancestors when the first gray wolf wandered into a campsite and received scraps from human hands.

We could prattle on forever about the diverse history between homo sapiens and canis-lupus-familiaris…but we’re not going to. We could also get all worked up and rant about cruelty to animals and why dog shows are demeaning and belittling to our four-legged friends…but we’re not going to do that either. Instead let’s look at man’s best friend as a pampered pet and the difference between pampering and putting up with.

Dog lovers are a breed all their own. Those people willing to do anything and everything for their furry BFFs. They seem to care about and relate to dogs better than people. Is it because they relish a dog’s undying loyalty and devotion or because they can’t make people friends due to lack of social skills? Lil Red (that’d be the wife) is one of these people, a doting and devoted dog lover, whereas I myself am merely a dog liker. What’s the difference you ask? Well to put it simply with a “dog lover” their love is unconditional when it comes to their pups whereas with a “dog liker” there are conditions. Such as not stepping in s*** whilst walking barefoot through the kitchen. This difference of feelings for four footed house guests can sometimes cause conflict. Case in point…

As regular readers know (and non-regulars are about to find out) the House o’ Saw has four canine tenants currently in residence. The youngest of the brood is a sweet, bouncy 6 month old Corgi/Shepard /Pit-bull mix; an eclectic combo to say the least but still a beautiful animal. Her name is Boggin and her “person,” without question, would be the grandson, a.k.a. Tot. They have a very active, chase me down, tackle and lick me all over the head kind of relationship. Incidentally the dog is the one doing the chasing, tackling and licking. It would not seem so endearing the other way around.

All puppies go through a “chewing” phase and Boggin has been no exception. Her chewing has not really been an issue. However her definition of what’s chewable is where we’ve started to have a problem. I come home from work to find a corner of my building missing…I was a little upset, but Red assures me it’s an easy fix and the rest of the week goes without incident.

I awake Saturday morning to find she’s worked over the doors and catch her in the act on the other corner. Rest assured that the neighbors enjoyed me running about the yard in my boxer briefs trying to capture and restrain our little building inspector. I am approaching anger by this point but still…nothing a little paint won’t fix…right. To my delight, she abandoned her desire to eat the building and all seemed well…then she started on the house, almost made it through to the insulation and that was pretty much the end of my tolerance.

To be honest my first thought was reenacting the final scene from Old Yeller, which instantly faded when she gave me the dog-face. You know the, “I’m pitiful and didn’t know any better, please don’t kill me!” look dogs give when they know you’re p***ed.

We could have solved the problem instantly and cost free and called the humane society…which I threated her sternly with. However when you have dogs and your significant other is a dog lover, you usually opt for the more complicated and expensive route.

So at this very moment there is a full sized kennel awaiting assembly in the backyard. Upon finishing this article I will proceed to assemble the life-sized erector set and I will do so with love. Not love for the dog…oh hell no, she’s still on my “I’m not that happy with you list.” But love in the sense of –“I’d love to see you try and get out of this thing!”

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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