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Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

July 23, 2015

If you tuned in last week you’ll recall that we discussed my recent acquisition of a Smith & Wesson .38 Special. There are a number of good reasons to own a firearm, and an equal amount of equally good reasons why you shouldn’t. We could spend all eternity arguing the pros and cons of gun ownership. The truth is most any argument on the subject is a double-edged sword i.e.,­— “to protect my family.” So you own a gun to stop an intruder from hurting your family or don’t own a gun to keep your family from accidentally hurting themselves?

Whether you’re adverse to or an advocate for firearms, knowing a little bit about gun safety is important. “But Mr. Chainsawman, I never intend to ever own or even use a gun! Why should I learn about gun safety?” Why? First of all they are dangerous and they outnumber us. That means there’s a good chance at some point you’ll be at one end or the other of one. More importantly that’s what this week’s article is about and we don’t want anyone to feel left out! So without further prompting, ado or general BS, Have Chainsaw Will Travel presents…


(This guide also universally applies to guns without hands as well.)

First and foremost you should treat every firearm as if it’s loaded. Do not look down the barrel to check. Bullets are gray, the gun is black and unless you have an itty bitty flashlight you can’t see anything. Pulling the trigger to find out is also not advised. Remember a gun is not a toy! Unless it is a toy gun; which has a whole different set of safety rules all together (See Chainsaw’s Playful Guide to Toy Gun Safety).

Do not take a gun swimming, even an hour after eating. Water and guns don’t go well together…unless it’s a water gun (See Chainsaw’s Wet &Wild Guide to Water Gun Safety). Don’t shoot at fish. That’s actually illegal in most places. Once you’ve caught them you can take them back to shore and use them for targets. Fish hunting is illegal but fish execution is apparently OK.

Never point a firearm at anything you are not willing to destroy. Never destroy anything with a firearm you can’t afford to replace. Never point a firearm at anyone, unless your intention is to kill them. Which you should not do because killing people isn’t nice… unless there’s no other recourse. Just remember if you go waving a gun around, making threats, the other person may have a gun too. They might not be nice, and skip the waving and threatening part.

Don’t throw guns at people. Guns are heavy and even if they are unloaded can hurt someone if you hit them in the head with one. Besides, what if they catch it and have bullets in their pocket?

Always make sure any firearm and ammunition is out of the reach of little hands; preferably in a lock box, gun cabinet or in the very least securely holstered and high up. Do not think just because you show a toddler a gun and explain how dangerous it is that they will understand. Many a child has lost their life due to an irresponsible gun owner. Then again, many irresponsible gun owners have lost their lives due to a toddler’s amateur shooting skills.

Do not practice quick draws, badass poses, spins or action movie maneuvers with a loaded gun. You’ll either end up shooting yourself or shattering that mirror you look so cool in. Some of you know exactly what we’re talking about—yeah we’re “talking to you!”

When firing any weapon, at anything, for any reason, be wary of what’s beyond your target. Many innocent lives have been lost because a bullet doesn’t always stop at its intended target. Be aware of your surroundings and exercise caution.

Do not stuff a loaded gun into your pants. Do we even need to explain why? Male or female if that thing (the gun) goes off it’s going to be bad. You’ll have to buy new pants because of bullet holes or s*** stains, if you’re lucky.

Most importantly DO NOT SHOOT YOURSELF! It cannot be stressed enough how important it is to not shoot yourself. It will hurt!

In all seriousness, all joking aside, whether you’re a seasoned sharp shooter or gun slinging novice, always use caution. Remember guns don’t kill people, stupid people with guns do!

Questions, comments and column ideas are welcome via through the Focus, or just E-mail me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




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