The Incredible BULK
November 12, 2015
Disclaimer: The Incredible Hulk television series, based loosely on Marvel comic’s character “The Hulk,” ran from 1978 to 1982, with 82 episodes over five seasons. The series aired on the CBS television network and starred Bill Bixby as David Banner, Lou Ferrigno as the Hulk. For those of you who have never seen or are not familiar with this iconic bit of pop culture, the first portion of this week’s article may be lost on you. But fear not; just bear with the late 70’s TV insanity for a few paragraphs and you’ll catch right on to where this train is headed. And you should probably buy the series on Blu-ray…for future reference.
November 4th 1977,
The Inedible Bulk:
Dr. Brian David—dietician, scientist...searching for a way to tap
into the hidden hunger that all humans have. Then an accidental overdose of frosted doughnuts w/ sprinkles alters his body chemistry. And now, when Brian David grows hungry or outraged, a starving metamorphosis occurs. The creature is driven by appetite and pursued by a workout instructor.
[Brian:] “Mr. Simmons, don’t make me hungry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m hungry.”
The creature is wanted for a diet he didn’t commit to. Brian David is believed to be on a low-carb diet. And he must let the world think that he is dieting, until he can find a way to control the raging hunger that dwells within him.
Lunchtime in the cafeteria of the Clearwater Institute for Studies of Profound Weight Loss; Dr. David joins his colleagues for…lunch. [Pretty Female Doctor Person:] “Dr. David, so nice of you to join us.” Insert flirty, big-eyed long lashes look, letting you know she’s attracted to his sexy mind. [Older Male Doctor Person Who Comes Across As Being Fatherly and Wise:] “Brian.” Insert professional nod. [Brian:] “Dr. Peterson,” (returns nod) “Beverly.” (Smiles). Brian sets down his tray and joins his fellow practitioners. [Beverly:] Oh Brian, you really should try the potatoes. They’re delicious.” Brian looks warily at the starch filled side but he doesn’t want to seem weird to the lovely doctor, besides one bite wouldn’t hurt…would it? One forkful of potatoes later Brian breaks into a cold sweat. [Dr. Peterson:] “Are you all right my boy?” [Beverly:] “Brian are you OK?” [Brian:] Yes I’m fine I just…ARRGGHH!” Brian’s body begins to expand. “Too much starch…too much salt…the potatoes…they’re inedible!” Brain flips the table over and begins grabbing foodstuffs off the floor and cramming them into his mouth. [The Bulk:] “Arrgh TATOES!!!”
The show ran for two more episodes, one which featured the Bulk stopping terrorist food smugglers at Burger Barn. The network canceled the series and burned the sets shortly thereafter. Now back to the article already in progress.
Admittedly, that was stupid and to the untrained eye completely and utterly pointless. However there is a very valuable lesson to be taken away from this; one that, in effect, can change the course of time and alter the rise or fall of a nation…or a syndicated television show. That lesson is the importance of the usage of proper adjectives.
We all know from English Lit. 101 an adjective is a word that describes, identifies or further defines a noun or a pronoun. If you slept through the class then at least you know now. The example above proves that something as simple as a defining word redefines the meaning of a person place or thing, i.e. switching inedible for incredible makes for a ridiculous and really dumb comic book-based concept. There are many examples of how a properly used adjective defines a character in the comic book world alone. Seriously, would you bother to read or go to the theatre to see The Analytical Spider Guy? How bout the Flabbergasted Foursome?
Adjectives are important! They help you to define your world and share your view of it with others. So get out there and use your grammar skills today…or maybe you can find a constructively evasive way to creatively monopolize on you bombastic lack of cumulative intelligence and your uneducated sounding articulation…your call.
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Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!