Custom Search






November 26, 2015

A typical lazy Saturday afternoon in the House o’Saw finds Frank— the Angel of Death (we’re on a first name basis), John Q., my yellow stuffed bear sidekick, and me crashed out in the living room. Kicked back and indulging in some vintage 1980’s toons. Up on the flat-screen, He-man was battling Beast-man and Mer-man for the title of Master of the Universe. It seems when they created this toy based series the general idea was to pick just about anything, put the word ‘man’ behind it, call it a villain and let He-man beat them up. It was kind of mindless but easy for kids to follow. Point proven: John was entranced as he stared big-eyed at the screen clutching his Battle Cat action figure. Frank, on the other hand, was disgruntled and confused by the whole thing. He had a hard time viewing Skeletor as a bad guy; it was the one character he could relate to. He thought that He-man was oppressing those who were flesh and blood challenged. It was also puzzling to him why the “good guys” lived in a castle (Grayskull) that looked like the head of the leader of the “bad guys.” “Quick, let’s get away from Skeletor by hiding in his head?” To Frank the whole thing seemed like a psychological mind-game, where everything symbolically meant something else. The kind of stuff you’d find in some mythical fan-fiction on an internet blog sight somewhere.

“Can I get a Moss-Man guy for Thanksgiving time?” John inquired. “No John, you don’t get toys for Thanksgiving.” I replied.

“Oh,” he said thoughtfully, “So do we get to dress-up and do candy?”

“No,” I patiently replied, “Why would you get candy for Thanksgiving?”

“Cuz,” he said matter-of-factly, “It’s polite to instead of saying Trick Treat, you say Thanks for giving me candy.”

Sighing, “John, nobody actually gives you anything for Thanksgiving.”

“Then why do they call it Thanks-GIVING if any nobody is giving out anything?” he said completely baffled, “the giving part is a story then! If you’re not getting anything how can you be thanks?”

Before I could even begin to concoct an answer, Frank stood in a swirl of black and ancient dust. The room grew dark, the temp dropped several degrees and the earthy scent of a freshly dug grave wafted on the air. And this right here is why Frank never speaks. But he did now, as he addressed the befuddled stuffie in a deep, raspy echoing voice.

“Silence your prattling, my synthetic fiber-filled companion. Thanksgiving is not a foolish holiday that alludes itself to self-indulgence, personal gain, treats, tricks or fat men dressed in bloody colored fur. It is an honorable and time honored tradition in the world of men which dates its roots back three hundred and ninety-four years gone by. It was then that early settlers, known as Pilgrims, who came to explore this new continent, laid the ground work for the first official American holiday by setting a day aside to commemorate and give thanks for a bountiful fall harvest and their continued survival. A meal of praise, which lasted three days, was shared at Plymouth with the Wampanoag tribe, their Native American neighbors. Though none were aware of my presence, all knew I was there. Sadly, I had visited these poor wretches many a time before. Thus I and my cold oblivion were not invited to partake in this meal, but I was standing by should anyone have felt the need to choke to death on corn meal gravy. And then as now I honor this annual tradition of yore and give thanks. Paying tribute to a time when the human race was more humbled by their surroundings. And though, with the passage of time, the celebration and its definition have evolved and mankind has long forgotten its place in the world, it still holds to its humble origins in the simple act of giving thanks.” With this the air cleared, the room got brighter and Frank sat down.

John Q. blinked wide eyed and I wondered if he had done the stuffie equivalent of s***ing himself.

Looking to Frank I had to ask, “So you’ve celebrated this holiday from its beginning. So…what is the Grim Reaper thankful for?” “Cigarettes.” was his only reply.

I then asked John if he now understood the significance of the holiday annd importance of giving thanks. He nodded yes but had one question, "When do we hide the eggs?"

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

Hell-O-Ween 2015 The Absence of Light

HELL-O-WEEN 2015 • There is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually, there’s way more!

Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

Chainsaw’s Guide To“Fun”damental Gun Safety

Older And...Wiser?

So...You Want Me To Put It... On The Dash?

Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!


Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

5 Minutes Later...

Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

Back In 5 Minutes...

We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

Graveside Trivia With Frank

Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.