A special hate the holidays rant
December 10, 2015
In last week’s article we briefly mentioned the “Bah-Humbug Movement,” one of the numerous (unofficial) titles for a relatively new and rapidly spreading holiday trend. It has apparently become rather chic in recent years to have a Grinch styled attitude towards all things yuletide. The general premise of participating in this “movement” is that when taking part in or even discussing any holiday function with family, friends, co-workers or even casual strangers you adopt a rather Scrooge-like frame of mind. (This would refer to the mean a-hole version of Scrooge at the beginning of Charles Dickens classic A Christmas Carol. Not the nice one at the end that sends the street urchin off to buy a big turkey.) The concept is to view all the joy and happiness of the holidays with a scowling negativity and openly expressing a dislike towards all the Christmassy stuff.
Well now isn’t that cute? Pretending to be miserably disgruntled and ruining everyone else’s good cheer…for what? For the sake of being an ass? Given, some will pretend to pretend to be anti-X-mas (was that a double-double negative?) for humor’s sake. They’ll joke around about disliking the holidays with a smile on their faces, indirectly adding to the festive cheer.
Then there are others… Yeah the others, who in our modern self-centered society will go out of their way to make sure all attention is on them and their despondent dislike of…hey whatever and screw you. We’re not gonna waste another word on you pretend, wannabe haters. Not even going to acknowledge your pathetic attempt to act like you hate the holidays. Besides it’s an insult to those of us who do. One of the things I hate most about the holidays is people who pretend to hate the holidays...and here we go…
I hate the droning bell ringing at every storefront. I know it’s for a good cause and I support that (give generously) but couldn’t they play a ukulele or sing or something? Or they could just stand there? We all know what the blood red buckets are for. I hate people who just stand there… in the store aisles. I hate that they can’t decide which gift to buy. I hate people who don’t plan ahead before they go into a store to Christmas shop. I hate Christmas shopping. I hate being stuck in crowds of people who have no idea what they’re doing. I do not enjoy public restrooms during this time of year. I hate inflatable yard decorations: put a Santa hat on anything and put air in it and BAM—holiday yard décor. If you’re wondering how we went from restrooms to inflatables…I hate that you don’t see the connection.
I hate mixed holiday lawn décor themes. Santa’s on the roof, Jesus is in the yard and a ten foot tall inflatable Homer Simpson (with a Santa hat) that looks like he’s attacking your house. I hate mixed martial arts. It’s just making things up as you go! I hate inflatable Gingerbread Ninjas…yes they do exist…yes they are stupid and yes I hate them! I hate people who can’t bake who think they can bake at Christmas. I hate hard, burnt, sort-of star shaped cookies. I hate receiving these as gifts. Giving food as gifts is stupid…unless you’re hungry. I hate The Hunger Games. Nobody in those movies looks remotely hungry at all.
I hate people who force small children to sit on Santa’s lap, “Oh how precious, look at the way she’s screaming. She looks positively terrified… Awww!” I hate unruly children whose parents have given up on controlling them. Actually maybe hating crappy parenting skills makes more sense. I hate not knowing till X-mas morning if you’ve gotten someone a “good” gift. I hate people who fake liking a bad gift. I hate giving bad gifts. I hate…that since my grandson has come to live with us I’m finding less to hate about the holidays. I hate that I’m spending less time hating them and more time finding the joy for him…I hate to say it but I think I’m done hating…for now.
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Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!