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A Little Soul-Rending

May 16, 2013

It has been said that life will never give you more than you can handle. That being said, on a personal note I can safely say my limits have been breached or perhaps I can handle more than I am aware. On a side note (which considers the possibilities of reincarnation) if, in the event this life is serving as punishment for the last, then I am very mad at me. Should I ever see me again I will kick my ass.

Ah humor. It mends the heart and eases the soul. There won’t be much of it past this point. But I will ask that you humor me as this column unfurls. This week you will be told a tale; obviously one of pain and suffering. We will begin at the beginning and when we reach the end we will stop...though the story truly has no end.

The age of twenty found me in the positions of spouse and father. The age of twenty-one found me divorced and a single parent. Putting all personal dreams and endeavors to the side, my attentions focused on being a dad.

As a father you (reluctantly) want your child to enter that world prepared, armed with the things they’ll need to get a good starting foothold on life. Continued education, a job, some money in the bank, a mode of transport and a responsible understanding of how the world works. However, as many of you can relate, when there is a broken home, there is an alternate choice. One that is far more appealing on the surface. And so education is forgotten, job lost, money blown, car wrecked and responsibility becomes a nice idea for other people. The once strong bond between father and daughter stretches to a point of near invisibility. Through rumors I find she is married; I was not invited. She visits once to show off her pregnant belly. The next time I hear from her is three months later via text: It’s a boy, 9lbs. That is all. A year passes.

The woman child comes to my door. She has met the man of her dreams...again, and wants to go to him. Marriage intact but ignored, she has one small problem...if you consider 35 pounds small. According to her, the father doesn’t care and she doesn’t want to play mommy anymore; so she leaves him behind. Lil fella screams alot but soon comes to know and trust Lil Red and myself. We in turn fall reluctantly in love with the blonde haired blue eyed burden.

At this point my heart requests I spare the details for another day. What needs to be said is this. For six months our home was filled with infantile glee, and love for the child grew and blossomed. We decided to adopt so getting insurance for medical care and such would be smoother. In addition Red had never had children and fell into passionate love with motherhood...I was wary. Something didn’t seem right.

Sadly I was right. During the filing process on the legal end of the adoption it turned out the father did care and it turned into a short-lived custody battle. In the end we lost. However, as it turns out, the father wasn’t the monster my daughter had portrayed. He has insisted we continue to play a part in the child’s life and that a regular visitation as ordered by the courts was understood. This to insure we wouldn’t be denied as grandparents.

So in the end it seems everything returned to the way it should have in the first place. My daughter has even voiced a desire to come home and maybe just maybe set things completely to I said this story hasn’t an end. It does however have many possibilities as a beginning.

See photo. For my grandson Gabriel Logan Matney, age almost two (I am not doing that stupid counting the months crap) you will be loved.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via through Focus, or e-mail me at

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




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