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FUN TYme ? of TRiViAL!

wiF John Q.

March 31, 2016

Hello dear regular reader and esteemed guests. Welcome to this week’s stunning edition of Have Chainsaw Will Travel. We have a lot in store for you this column. So sit back, relax and enjoy! OK let’s cut the crap and skip to the chase. Your beloved writer (that would be me, unless you’ve been cheating, you dirty little tramp) just spent the last 24 hours covering kitchen counter tops. The last three of which were spent wrestling a vexatious sink into place. Needless to say- I am drained...hahahaha! You see when s*** like that seems funny, it’s time not to write. And so, this week I bow out and leave you to the tender graces of my stuffed, yellow bear associate, John Q. May Gawd have mewcy upon your souls!

HEWO EVEWEBODY!!! Mr. Chainsaw is wore out verwy much so he tells me I can do a storwey. So I did a title and want to sharwe stuff I have lewered on the Enternet. There is lots of fascirating stuff...and naked peoples. But I have been doing intewesting wesearch and found lots of facts about toys and aminals, of which I am both of. So beforwe the spewl check goes to the crawzies I will cut and paste some facts cuz cutting and pasting are fun to do.

Batman is not actually a bat (I was shocked and disappointed). A snail’s reproductive organs are in its head. (Ewww, head weenies teehee). The yo-yo was originally designed as a weapon (Duh! I have taken down many a ninja tuwtle with mine). Turtles are nice (unless they are ninja tuwtles). Silly Putty is created by mixing silicone and boric acid (How silly). Stupid Putty is created mixing stupid and putty. Sheep buried in snowdrifts can survive for up to two weeks. (How mean! Who fweezes sheep?). G.I. Joe was named after a carrier pigeon (But thewe arwe no pigeons in their cartoon show- that’s wacist!). Iguanas can and do commit suicide (If I wuz an ugly old Iguana I’d do suicide too). Poodles cannot fly. (Well they can’t). During World War II the U.S. Armed Forces commissioned View-Master reels for training purposes. (The awmy used to be a lot funner). Carnivorous animals will not eat another animal that has been hit by a lightning strike (How would they know?). The creature with the largest brain in relation to its body is the ant. Ants do not sleep (They think too much). Horses, rabbits and rats can’t vomit (So when they have the sick...where does it go?). A rat can last longer without water than a camel can. (Cuz it won’t vomit any owt). The powder inside of an Etch-A-Sketch is aluminum (But is it wecyclable?). Cat-woman isn’t a cat (Kitties have 6 boobies and thw’re not that big). It takes 63 feet of wire to make one slinky (And if you get stuck in one it is a big suck). Squids can commit suicide by eating their own tentacles (Why all the aminal suicidalness?

If I was an icky old squid I’d eat my... wait what are tentacles?). In 1972 Pong was the first successful video game (What’s Pong?) Elephants can live up to 77 years in the wild but average 24 in captivity (So why captivity them? Isn’t that wike sorta muwder?). All pet hamsters are descendants of a single female wild golden hamster found with a litter of 12 in Syria in 1930 (What a twamp). Bears can actually get cavities from too much honey (Unwess they do daily bwushing wike me...and I don’t gots teeth). Lego’s name comes from the Danish phrase “leg godt” (“play well”) (Let’s play well wif the play wells). Humans are animals and they are weirdos. Humans wook at, admiwre and touch each other’s butts! Don’t they know that’s whewe the poop comes owt? Humans are dumb heehee and wike poopie butts...teehee. Humans wike poops...humans also...uhoh...

What are you doing? Let me see this. POOPIE BUTTS??? What are you writing here? I leave you in charge for one day and it’s poop and butts? That’s it, you’re done here… no you can’t have candy! Poopie butts indeed.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

ARCHIVES:

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Deadpool Vs. Chainsaw

Revealed Carry

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Timeless Testing

Definitively Undead

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Heading For A Eulogy

Resolution Resolvent

Wondering Around Wandering

X-MAS

The GHOSTS Of Christmas Present

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Tis The Season

Franks-GIVING

Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

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Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

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Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!

5

Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

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Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

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We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

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Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

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Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry

SELF LAMBASTING

Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set

HELL-O-WEEN 4 THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF…AND BIGFOOT WITH HERPES!

HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

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Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages

MOTOSIERRA, SCIE à CHAîNE, ??????, ERRA ELéTRICA, Αλυσοπρ?ονο, CHAINSAW

For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!

Zoo-Illogical

Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!

Distractions

A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending

Life

The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke

THE BEAR AND I Part 2: RETURN OF THE Q!

The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide


 

 

 

 

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