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May 30, 2013

Progress. We, as a race, don’t make much of it do we? The human condition as well as that of the planet we inhabit (or perhaps inhibit) exists in a state of constant jeopardy. Moving ever forward towards a desperately devastating climax. No one wants to here that. No one wants to accept the fact that the things we enjoy, the little luxuries of life, are killing the planet. To accept it would mean taking responsibility for our actions. Accepting it would mean actually doing something or doing without some things. Let’s all just deny that the emissions from our vehicles, signals from our cell phones and rapidly continuing deforestation of the land is hurting anything. We’ll just pretend that global warming is just a crazy myth and the hole in the ozone layer is actually shrinking.

What fools we mortals be! But it’s OK, it’s all a worthy sacrifice in the name of progress.

What is progress anymore? Upon being asked most would respond with our rapid technological advances in communication...really, now. We’ve gone from the telegraph to written letters, to telephone, to typed letters (e-mail), to cell phones, to texting which is insane because you’re typing into a telephone, mostly using a broken down simplified systems of words and shorthand codes. Oooo, next why don’t we use just use dots and dashes, it’d be quicker and then this ignorance will have come full circle. No, we aren’t making any progress. We just have a plethora of distractions disguising themselves as progress.

The internet provides most of these and given, some good has come from it. However, the small amounts of good are interred by the overwhelming amount of pointlessly bad.

Let’s not put blame on the net: it’s an inanimate, invisible thing. It provides many services and endless opportunities for communication and learning. Instead, let’s blame those who take this amazing technological tool and squander its use. Most of you call this waste of technological wonder Facebook.

One billion morons taking crappy cell phone pictures of themselves and describing the nothing that is their lives. We learn two things from Facebook: 1. People are self-obsessed and 2. Their lives are boring. Seriously if you’re life wasn’t boring and you were doing cool fun stuff would you really have time to post any of it?.

Now some digression must occur. Some people have distant relatives and friends who communicate and share via these sites. These dear people are excused and praised for proper use of advancing technology. As for the rest of you idiots, WTF? You post to your friends and coworkers that you see every day. Constant pictures of you, you, you doing nothing. OMG kill yourself and put it on Youtube. Which has also become a social networking suck. A million videos of crap. No creativity, no imagination, just a lot more of your nothing existence. Either that or pirated junk by other people that expresses your ability to amass s*** to try and be cool....or something.

Sigh, where the hell am I going with this? No, really I have no idea! Perhaps all this aggravation stems from a current state of constipation, which resulted in a restless night. Which is the direct result of technology. After 15 years the Saw household took its first step into the 21st century. Going from dial-up to high-speed internet and on-demand TV. This past weekend it was put to the test. EPIC FAIL! The internet is packed with mindless crap and there’s still nothing on TV. But maybe the right snack would make it better. Cookies seemed fun. It took two packs of raw cookie dough to discover it wouldn’t and to...stop things. Last night I awoke to a pain beyond comprehension and raced to the bathroom. You will be spared the details but a lot of straining occurred. Followed by a guttural explosion that threw me onto the floor. The toilet...I had to look...had to know if my guts were in there. Instead a Pillsbury Doughboy popped up and gave me a nasty look—so that’s where they come from. He shook himself off and took a picture of himself with his cell phone to post online. A recreation of the incident will be on Youtube as soon as my channels up and running.

Wow what a round about way to point out my new email address. Which I really didn’t do, but I have a new one anyway. I welcome all questions, comments, and column suggestions, via FOCUS, or email me at my new email address,

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.



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