Custom Search





A Hundred Thousand To One,

& Eleven Things I Will Never Write

May 12, 2016

It would be remiss (not to mention a total a-hole thing to do) not to acknowledge and express gratitude towards positive praise. That said, we’ll take a moment here to extend a sincere thanks to the outpouring of appreciation which came via email as well as in person. Said outpouring was for an article that ran a few weeks back about the pains and pleasures of raising my grandchild (aka, Tot) entitled, “Who Paints the Hammers?”.

Many said they enjoyed the innocence and humor. Not to mention a realistic sideways look towards the younger generation's parenting skills (or lack thereof). Some said they could relate. It made them feel good to know they were not alone and that someone took the time to openly address the issue. A few asked the question that has been asked on several occasions on several different HCSAWWT column topics- “Why can’t you write articles about the subject and adventures in raising a child every week?”

The answer to that question comes down to basic statistics, and the answer is because it’s 100,000 to 1. That’s the average guesstimated* number of FOCUS readers per week This means a weekly attempt to accommodate the likes and interests of anyone who might read it, which is why this column covers such a wide variety of topics. It is also why when someone compliments or comments on a particular article I have to inquire, “Which one?” because I have trouble keeping up with me. Yes, we do cover a plethora of subjects here, but there are a few things, regardless of our readership's wanton desires, we will never directly address in full column form, with good or at least reasonable reasons.

Politics: Let’s be honest, there are hundreds if not thousands of politically based writers out there. From intensely detailed essays on platform views, to political cartoons with obscure references to the artists’ opinions of their current political standing. So do we really need yet another popping off in a weekly entertainment paper?

Racism: There is no safe way to approach this topic. Regardless of whether you approach it honestly or for the sake of humor, someone will find some way to be offended. Then it’s protesting and rioting and I don’t want to be hanged or fire bombed.

Homosexuality and transgender issues: Please do not take offense to these two being lumped together. No malice is intended, it’s just that these two topics have similar issues. Which we will not discuss because I don’t want to be hanged or fire bombed

Play-Doh: I friggin hate Play-Doh. It’s like working with clay but ends up stuck in the carpet. Though it may be referenced in future articles on how it’s akin to making a poop.

Organized Religion: Because people are so strong in their faith that if you question it they get really, really upset. This is because their way is the right way and every other way is wrong and showing them another way makes them upset that there may be more ways than one.

God: Call it atheism, call it being agnostic, but if there is a god I’m not that happy with them. Sigh, just waiting on a less obscure and less mysterious sign here. Do not email me on this...unless you are god.

Abortion: There is a time and place for everything. This is and never will be either the time or place for this topic.

My daughter: We had what appears to be a permanent falling out. She has chosen her path and I’ve chosen that I just can’t care anymore. So there’s nothing to write.

My successful albeit short lived acting/modeling career: Nobody wants to read an entire article based on someone else’s success.

Ninjas: They think they’re so cool with their matching pajamas and ninja stuff. They get enough publicity without me acknowledging how cool it would be to be a ninja. But really it’s too hard to be a ninja, so that irritates me.

Women’s Rights: I’m married. My supervisor at work is female. The owner of this paper and my editor are also females. I am surrounded and find it best just to say as far as women’s rights go, women are right...and I don’t want to be hanged or fire bombed.

*Not a guesstimate, it's FOCUS' last verified poll. :) ~Ed.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




Selfie-Centered Society


Who Paints The Hammers?

Open For Interpretation


FUN TYme ? of TRiViAL! wiF John Q.

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghost... Busters...Remake?

Springing Forward To The Past

Remember: ‘Funeral’ Starts With FU!

Deadpool Vs. Chainsaw

Revealed Carry

One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Trash...But Sometimes It’s Collectable Trash

Timeless Testing

Definitively Undead

Do You Want To Psychologically Deconstruct A Snowman?

powerBALL $1.5 Billion You’ll Never See, or A Really Powerful Ball

Heading For A Eulogy

Resolution Resolvent

Wondering Around Wandering


The GHOSTS Of Christmas Present

Happy Hellidays A special hate the holidays rant

Tis The Season


Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

Hell-O-Ween 2015 The Absence of Light

HELL-O-WEEN 2015 • There is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually, there’s way more!

Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

Chainsaw’s Guide To“Fun”damental Gun Safety

Older And...Wiser?

So...You Want Me To Put It... On The Dash?

Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!


Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

5 Minutes Later...

Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

Back In 5 Minutes...

We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

Graveside Trivia With Frank

Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.