Custom Search





Where The Wild Things Were

May 19, 2016

Everything was changing. This much he understood. As far as to the how and why, he had some conception that it had to do with a coming of age and passage of time. The connection between the two was completely lost on him. At home the subject was taboo, ignorantly ignored or purposefully avoided. Perhaps the halls of learning would cover the subject in detail or at least provide Cliff Notes. Popular kids knew or at least seemed to. They spoke of it in either hushed tones or obscure, coded boasting. The kids without the pumped up kicks kept it to themselves to avoid being poked fun at and embarrassed. In the end he was, as it always seemed, on his own. Thus his only recourse was to run.

Had he grasped the comparison of life to a box of chocolates perhaps he would have raced his way into notoriety. However, the need for privacy was entangled within this need for release. Thus the unkempt pastured fields and abandoned backwoods became his stomping grounds. Patience and desire kept his soul in check as he waited for the nights when the moon rose high and lit up the nighttime world in a silky brilliance. It was on these nights he would release the BEAST. This was the simple name he bestowed upon his alter ego, as he raced shirtless, shoeless like a wild animal through the woods. Leaping, jumping, climbing, and never stopping, always running.

He had no way of knowing that this was the first schizophrenic personality to be born of unbridled necessity. The urges, the physical changes, the desire for the night, did make him fear that he had been overcome with a bout of lycanthropy. Potential psychological disorders and social anxiety aside, the beast was free and he found contentment in this.

The Beast raced across the fields, seeking the limpid pools of cool blackness to tread upon. Of course, after a minor case of ringworm he discovered those “limpid pools” were actually cow pies. Thus, in the future the Beast would dodge these. Into the night, into the woods and the Beast found purchase and purpose and briars and holly bush leaves. The Beast considered shoes because that s*** hurts in the dark. But no! The Beast don’t need no shoes. Race the wind, bark at the moon, howl into the night and find solace, peace and a profound sense of loneliness. This was not enough. There was something more.

Crouched like the animal that he was the Beast drank from the stream, the cool night wind caressing his bare back. The night and his run were almost done and exhaustion ebbed at his very existence. Suddenly searing pain, as something arched over him, landing on the far bank. And there she was. Long hair tangled in burrs and leaves, dirty, with mud up to her knees clad in nothing more than a night shirt and panties. The moonlight bathed her radiant animal beauty and cast her fair shadow upon him. Was she another like himself? He must know and thus gave chase. But she was nimble, quicker and then the sunrise took him away.

Summertime and freedom gave way to endless nights of searching, scouring miles of untamed wilderness...desperation...depression...sorrow. the end...they found each other. Oh rapture, exaltation and an understood kinship as they raced into the night.

They spoke nary a word, communicating only with their eyes and simple gestures. Occasionally leaving cryptic messages scrawled at their usual haunts for one another. Perhaps both feared speaking would break the glamor of it all and thus silence that spoke in volumes. Nature will inevitably take its course. Many a night was shared perched on lower branches watching the nightlife of the forest. Others were spent lying in the cool grass of the open meadows gazing upward as the constellations danced across the night sky. With the chill of early morning he felt her warm in his arms as the nights took them.

And then...she was gone. All that remained was one last scrawling in the dirt path, nearest the meadow, where they had shared many a night. She would never return, he understood this and wept openly into the stillness of the night. Gathering his cast aside garments, he bade farewell to the forests and fields and returned to the world of men.

True story or a post-modern romantic tween lore with a touch of bestiality? Something darker hidden within the context? Neither, nor, or maybe all of the above and ending with a lesson that should be taken to heart but inevitably borders on humorous. That being, talk to your kids about puberty and sex education or they will realize on their own they are nothing but mammals and do like they do on the Discovery Channel. This may lead to a very disturbed, confused and unfulfilled life as an adult.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




A Hundred Thousand To One,& Eleven Things I Will Never Write

Selfie-Centered Society


Who Paints The Hammers?

Open For Interpretation


FUN TYme ? of TRiViAL! wiF John Q.

I Ain’t Afraid Of No Ghost... Busters...Remake?

Springing Forward To The Past

Remember: ‘Funeral’ Starts With FU!

Deadpool Vs. Chainsaw

Revealed Carry

One Man’s Trash Is Another Man’s Trash...But Sometimes It’s Collectable Trash

Timeless Testing

Definitively Undead

Do You Want To Psychologically Deconstruct A Snowman?

powerBALL $1.5 Billion You’ll Never See, or A Really Powerful Ball

Heading For A Eulogy

Resolution Resolvent

Wondering Around Wandering


The GHOSTS Of Christmas Present

Happy Hellidays A special hate the holidays rant

Tis The Season


Memoir From The Soviet Union

The Incredible BULK

Requiem For A Deer

Hell-O-Ween 2015 Chainsaw vs The Devil

Hell-O-Ween 2015: Trick or Treating With John Q

Hell-o-ween 2015 Trap Door To Hell

Hell-O-Ween 2015 The Absence of Light

HELL-O-WEEN 2015 • There is nothing to fear but fear itself? Actually, there’s way more!

Gone Squirrelly

Close In-Counter The Crooked Man

Chainsaw’s Guide To“Fun”damental Gun Safety

Older And...Wiser?

So...You Want Me To Put It... On The Dash?

Acts Of Lethargy

High Noon In The TempleOf The One-Eyed God

What’s Wrong With This Picture?

A Part Apart

Chainsaw’s Guide To Handgun Safety

.38 Special

Littering In Review!


Preparing To Alienate Yourself

Father’s Day?

We Are All Immortal... At Least Until We Die

Boggin Me Down

Comic Relief

5 Minutes Later...

Godzilla Was Misunderstood

Happy Bunnies’ Last Stand! Or, The Rise Of The Content And Yet Paranoid Squirrels!

Smurf The Whole Day Through!

Running With Scissors

Back In 5 Minutes...

We’re All Mad Here!

Building Up To It

Graveside Trivia With Frank

Before You Can Begin Sifting Through The Ashes

Daylight WASTE Of Time

Just Thinking Out Loud Here

There’s Bacon Loose In The Freezer

Stop Thinking Like A People

Sit, Roll Over, Play Dead...Now, Reanimate

Of Chainsaws And Puppy Paws

Cult Classic Or Pop Culture Corpses

A Chainsaw Classic:Exhaustipated

Living Within The Sliding Puzzle

Resolutions In Higher Resolutions

2015 As It Falls Apart

It’s A Wonderful Life?

How The Grinch Didn’t Bother Stealing Christmas

Room To Move: A Christmas Story

10 Uncomfortable Questions

Thanks...For Nothing

All In Due-Over Time

Stuff To Give Thanks For, Because After All, It’s Thanksgiving

30 Days

Hell-o-ween 4 Do You Believe In Ghosts?

Hell-O-Ween 3: Suburban Legends

Hell-O-Ween 2 The Bloody ‘55

Hell-O-Ween - There Is Nothing To Fear But FearItself...And Low-Flying Ducks!

Why Would You Want To Catch A Cold?

Technologically AdvancedOr Obsessed?

The Chainsaw Hard Drive

Of The Apes

I Don’t Know...What Do You Wanna Do?

And Then...One Year Later...

Is It Hopeless Or Should We Hope Less

Are There Alternate Realities?

Questionable Perception

Literally Speaking

He’s In The Closet

The Eclector

Littering Is Delusional!

Sis Boom BAH

Fear...Of The Bat!

CLOSED The Road To Imagination

Toy Box Terrors

Fire Trucks, Some Fencing And A Potential Kazoo

Grasping For A Gasp

Commercial Messages

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.