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Patridiocracy

November 17, 2016

Ah the presidential race … WHOA! Hold on! Do not roll your eyes, turn the page, crumple the paper up or set it on fire (there’s a burning ban in effect ya know). The mud has dried; the race is won and done, so there’s no need to discuss it and we’re not going to. Because it’s pretty safe to assume that everyone has had quite enough of all that. All I was going to say was, “the presidential race is FINALLY OVER!”

Besides, serious discussions of the political variety are strictly taboo in this column for three very good reasons.

First: HCSAWWT has no desire to falsely present or represent the political views of FOCUS as a whole.

Second: This writer firmly believes it’s all just pretend, in a conspiracy theory kind of way, and refuses to vote for that very reason.

Finally: “serious discussion” ? Seriously? How could anybody take a discussion about our current government or even our country seriously? Ya know with a little thought President Donald Trump is the perfect punch line to the joke our once great country has become. Wow, that deteriorated rather quickly but sadly it’s true. The level of ignorance and insanity based on our “rights” is rapidly reaching a level of stupid proportions.

We live in a country where it’s OK to burn or dance on the flag that represents it. Yet nobody dances on a burning flag? Hmmm, guess they’re not sure enough of their beliefs to risk self-injury, like our soldiers do defending what that flag represents.

It’s considered standing for oppressed rights to sit through our nation anthem. And that’s OK but you need go no further than the first two stanzas to find offense. “Oh, say can you see, by the dawn’s early light. What so proudly we hailed, at the twilight’s last gleaming?” Breaking Dawn? Twilight? This is clearly a reference to vampirism and should offend anyone who hates depressing teen romance films. “Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight.

O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming.” Symbolic flag references here, to distract you from the fact they’re watching over ram parts and they’re streaming the images. Obviously this refers to some satanic ritual involving the bloody mutilation of sheep. “And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there.” The endorsement of explosives being necessary to prove our country still stands? This has terrorist attack written all over it! “Oh say does that star spangled banner yet wave?” Umm you’ve just established that stuff blowing up means the flag is still there so...is stuff still blowing up? If so, then, yes it is! “For the land of the free, and the home of the brave.” Free yes, brave not so much, too scared to step on a burning flag. It’s funny how if you look for it and nit-pick something to death, you can find offense in anything if you really try.

Now that we’ve trashed the symbolic and lyrical representations of our country what is the next stupidest thing we could do? Why not begin assaulting our fellow citizens. Who have the same rights we do, unless we think they shouldn’t. Let’s insult, attack and beat our fellow Americans if they don’t see things our way. If someone doesn’t share your point of view the idea is to torment them until they do, or die? Either way you win and then your opinion is right by default right? Because we all know the best way to prove a point is through violence. Oh, and be sure to record your act of revolution on your phone or mobile device; because if no one takes a selfie, it never really happened.

What has gone wrong with this country? We’re drastically overpopulated with too much time on our hands. But we spend most of that time wrapped in self-obsession to notice. We’re greedy, we’re lazy, we’re too smart for our own good and too stupid to use our mobile devices to their full potential…we type into telephones for gawd’s sake. The stupid levels are off the charts. We need a damned zombie apocalypse is what we need here.

Actually what this country really needs is a reality check. Hopefully it won’t take something as extreme as the dead rising and eating us. Something that gets people to look up from their phones long enough to realize we, as in all of us, are in collective trouble. That if things don’t get better soon they’re going to get beyond our reach to make them better really fast. To realize we should all be working towards making not just this country but this world great (not “again” because it hasn’t completely stopped being great just yet) and we don’t need anyone to do it but US!

Next week: In honor of Thanksgiving, something about Turkeys.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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