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Conspirative, Coincidental

Conclusions

May 11, 2017

Despite our technological advancements and increased available knowledge base there are things we still don’t know. Questions that remain unanswered and many a mystery remains unsolved… until now. Well we can’t solve all the mysteries, (the left sock disappearance in the dryer one still eludes us) however there is light to be shed on the longest running conspiracy of all time. The facts are uncovered and revealed in my 1,281 paged biographical fiction novel, “Memoirs of a Power Tooled Time Traveler,” also sold in Europe under the title “Chainsaw Bloody Well Knows Stuff That Wanker Robert Stack Doesn’t.” Both are available at Barnes and Noble for $22.95 or 20.87€.

Obviously we don’t have time to cover all 66 chapters. What follows are some condensed, consolidated, clipped cliff-notes that resolve some mysteries and shed some light on the assassinations of two of our nation’s greatest presidential figures.

We begin with the oldest mystery of all: “What happened to the dinosaurs, what caused them to become extinct?” The truth is nothing happened to them. They didn’t become extinct, they evolved (Mystery Solved). Over time they became so advanced that their technology far exceeded that of our own today. So much so it attracted the attention of extraterrestrials. Some of which were looking to settle on Earth in an area between 50 and 52 (Mystery Solved).

In exchange for citizenship these aliens offered the dinosaurs a glimpse into the future and knowledge of the space-time continuum. In doing so they revealed to the prehistoric conglomerate the impending and inevitable rise of the mammals. Thus the dinosaurs collaborated with the aliens on a long term plan to eradicate the rising species.

First they had to fake their own deaths. This was accomplished by blasting the planet with photon cannons from upper orbit while they watched from the safety of their new conspirator’s ships (Mystery Solved). In the aftermath the only remaining structures from their civilization were large triangular shaped structures abandoned in the desert sands (Mystery Solved). Now they would wait for the next stage of evolution and then subtly shift the continuum in their favor. Millions of years went by during which the alien dinosaurs were attempting to interfere with human history. Finally it was decided the fall of mankind could be manipulated through covert attacks throughout time on what would someday rise to be a world power: the United States of America.

After introducing the concept of slavery and inciting the Civil War, the first notable attack came on April 14, 1865. When a dinosaur named John Willies, disguised as an actor, infiltrated the cast at a theatre in Washington, D.C., and shot the 16th president. The assassination would be pinned on a Confederate sympathizer with a similar name (Mystery Solved).
The true assassin would escape and later stow away on The Mary Celeste, an American merchant brigantine. After murdering and eating the passengers and crew he abandoned ship via lifeboat and left the vessel to be discovered adrift and deserted in the Atlantic Ocean, off the Azores Islands, on December 5, 1872 (Mystery Solved).

Arriving in London he took on the name of Jock le Reepar. Between the years of 1888-1891 he butchered and partially devoured several prostitutes to thwart the birth of potential future leaders (Mystery Solved). And because he was horny as well as hungry and didn’t know what to do with himself. Later he would leave London and settle in the Loch Ness Area of Scotland to await further instructions (Mystery Solved).

In 1932 more dinosaurs would be sent to kidnap the child of Charles Lindbergh in order to prep it for a future assassination attempt, but they dropped it and it broke (Mystery Solved). So they waited and went for their second potential patsy in 1937 and abducted a young female aviator from a plane crash in the Pacific. (Mystery Solved). For years Miss Earhart was twisted and corrupted by her dino-saucer abductors. Then on November 22, 1963, at the age of 66 she was sent to Dallas’ Dealey Plaza to assassinate the President. She was watched closely to make sure she went through with it by a dinosaur conspirator hidden in a grassy knoll nearby (Mystery Solved). Luckily for Amelia, Lee Harvey Oswald took the shot before she could (Mystery Solved). Though no one recognized her with her scarf wrapped head and camera in front of her face, her presence and odd behavior was noted. Later in still photos and films she would be referred to by the press and FBI as “The Babushka Lady” (Mystery Solved).

Well, looks like that’s all the time we have on Mystery Theatre this week. Tune in next time to discover Was the Zodiac Killer really a dinosaur? Is Sasquatch the missing link or was he the 5th Beatle? Who keeps putting the toilet seat down at night? Is your spouse a prehistoric UFO conspirator? The answers to these mysteries and other mysteries… some other time.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

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