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Looks Like It’s Time

To Grow Up!

March 22, 2018

But…I don’t wanna grow up, don’t want grow up! I don’t wanna grow up, don’t want grow up! ... I don’t wanna grow up; I’m a Toys R Us kid! They’ve got a million toys at Toys R Us that I can play with! I don’t wanna grow up; I’m a Toys R Us kid! They’ve got the best for so much less; you’ll really flip your lid! From bikes to trains to video games; it’s the biggest toy store there is! Gee-whiz! I don’t wanna grow up, cause if I did, I couldn’t be a Toys R Us kid! I don’t wanna grow up, don’t want grow up… I wanna be a Toys R Us kid!

In case you haven’t heard, after nearly seven decades, the place where age is obsolete will be closing up shop for good in the next few months­— R.I.P. Toys R Us (1948-2018). So now if you haven’t heard, you have, and if you didn’t know, you do.

For those who already knew (and gave a happy damn) you’ve probably already scoured the internet to quell the rumors and confirmed your worst fears. Though it probably goes without saying, (but we’ll say it anyway) if you’re not a child (or employee) and your “worst fear” is the final days of a toy warehouse chain, then you probably live a very happy or very sheltered life. Either that or you are delusional about what either “worst” or “fear” means and need to reevaluate your place in the cosmos. Or at least look them up in the dictionary.

If you have gone online for confirmation, you’re sure to find it. Along the way you will come across blogs and Instagram posts spouting nostalgia. On the tube of You, you can find recently posted classic commercials, parents filming their children’s upset and outrage (because sad, disappointed, crying children = entertainment?) and some pretty decent covers for the Toys R Us theme. However if you’re searching for sappy sentimentality, you will not find it here. Because I am not, have never been, and now can never be, a Toys R Us kid. What you will find is frustration and an impending sense of dread.

The passing of Toys R Us is tragic, not so much for the sake of kids and kids at heart, but rather because this represents the final death blow to large chain toy stores. So now whether you don’t wanna, don’t wanna or not, you have to grow up, have to grow up because there’s nowhere left to go not to. So now that you’re forcibly all grown up where do grownups go to be grown? Why, you race right into the open, welcoming arms of your pre-adolescent, age inhibitor murderer…you go to Walmart.

It’s no secret or mystery that the former toy giant’s fall came mostly as a result to Wally World’s availability and competitive pricing. Yes, the largest retail chain on the planet has taken out yet another form of competition. This only after decimating all its retail competition; Roses, Brendles, K-mart etc. have all been laid to waste by this retail juggernaut.

Grocery chains are also fading fast due to Sam’s Club, Neighborhood Markets and Expresses. There’s even talk of the fast-food industry falling under their tidal wave of destruction. Soon the only other place to shop for anything will be online from the comfort of your own home…or wherever, on your smart phone…or will it? Currently Walmart, who’s already partnered with Google, is in pursuit of a merger with Amazon, who in turn is looking to buy out Target. With their powers combined—I am Captain Planet!!! No wait; scratch the ecologically friendly 90’s cartoon reference. Ahem, once they’ve merged the only thing left is WORLD DOMINATION!!! Soon we’ll all be the people of Walmart because there’ll be nowhere else to go and everywhere will be Walmart!!! Or will it?

In recent years Walmart has been closing hundreds of locations, mostly pulling out of smaller towns due to lack of overhead profit. This has left many places without a local grocery because all the mom and pop businesses were driven out with the arrival of the Mart.

So what happens when Walmart, a rotting corpse bloated from all those it’s devoured, reaches its apex and collapses? Where will we buy groceries? Eat out? Buy useless retail goods we don’t really need at super low prices? Will all be laid to waste? Will the world come crashing to an end? Or…will we bear witness to the re-rise of small entrepreneur-ing businesses? Will our world be saved from destruction by mom and pop? More importantly, when it does and if it is, will we have learned our lesson? Will we have the hindsight to just say no to the next big thing?

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

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