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Undead Offensive

January 23, 2014

ZOMBIE SURVIVAL pop quiz: The world has been overrun by reanimated corpses. You and a small band of survivors are on the move. The group comes across a small city and decides to explore and scavenge for needed supplies. Once inside, a hoard of the undead is encountered. Chaos ensues and though you escape you find yourself separated from your fellow survivors. Leaving the scene you are pursued by a small group (10 to 15) of zombies. Tired from your fight and flight, you duck into a narrow alleyway (6 to 10ft. wide) looking for a place to hide and instead find a dead end. The walkers crowd into the alleys small opening and press forward. In less than 20 feet they’ll be upon you. Your only remaining weapon is a single-barreled shotgun—with one scatter-shot shell left in the chamber. What do you do?

In the event of a zombie apocalypse pre-preparation, stocked supplies , a compound living environment and good defense are top priority. However in some instances (such as the one described above) a good offense is the best defense. Do not be so foolish as to think that during such an event you will manage to completely elude the undead. At some point, whether it be during the initial outbreak, on the road or at the walls of your safe-house, confrontation will occur. Likewise tone your ego down to reality and realize fighting zombies won’t be like shooting fish in a barrel. In most cases it will not be easy or most cases.

When preparing on go on the offensive choosing the weapons that are right for you could make the difference between slaying zombies and becoming one. Notice we said “weapons” plural. Do not limit yourself to just one. There will be different situations, different zombies and possibly the need for different types of weapons. In addition—though a firearm on hand is a good idea—having and knowing how to use a weapon without a finite supply of ammo is a better one. You can run out of bullets but a crowbar has an infinite amount of swings...unless you get tired...or get it stuck in a zombie head.

The Zombie Survival Guide provides some general rules for weaponry. So let’s take a moment to abridge and elaborate.

First and foremost: Obey the Law! Stockpiling or carrying illegal weapons can be met with extreme penalties. So wait till after the uprising to saw off the twelve gauge.

Second: Train Constantly. Regardless of your weapon of choice make yourself familiar with it and know how to use it. Whether it be a high powered rifle or razor sharp katana, a weapon is only as good as the person whose hands it’s in.

Third: Maintain Your Weapon. Know it inside and out and how to clean and care for it. A dull blade or clogged barrel could spell disaster and serve as more of a dinner bell. Fourth: No Display Items. Lots of people have replicas of medieval weapons or ones from their favorite movies or television shows on display in their homes. Just because they look the part doesn’t mean they can play it. Test it before you trust it.

And finally: Develop You. Your first weapon of defense and the one that will wield and use any other is your own body. If you are weak or wind-out easily, your attack on a zombie will be less effective. Maintain yourself, because whether it’s fight or flight there will be no time-outs or moments to catch your breath. Unless of course you want to die. If that’s the case then you’ve read all this for naught.

ZSPQ ANSWERS: There are actually three debatable correct answers.

1. Use that last shot to take your own life to avoid being eaten alive. But if you aren’t successful or you miss if will not only suck but will suck with you being eaten. The Zombie Survival Guide, FOCUS and Have Chainsaw Will Travel do not endorse this course of action.

2. Shoot at their heads and use the gun as a bludgeoning weapon to fight your way out. Might work, might not, depends on how close you can get for the shot and how much room you need to swing effectively.

3. Rush forward and close the distance to 10 feet, drop to a knee and fire at their legs. With luck physics will take care of the next part with a domino effect. As they fall forward, use this opening as an undead footpath and make your escape.

Actually the best idea would be to look down the alley way first.

I welcome almost all questions and comments either through the Focus, or just E-mail me at Or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




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