Custom Search





Momentary Lapse

Of Realization

April 24, 2014

In the blink of an eye, the draw of a breath, the pick of a nose... a lifetime can pass you by. It's also the way to contract MRSA (the nose picking part). Did you know that MRSA grows just inside your nasal cavity? All it takes to contract the virus is wiping your hand across your nose and then touching an open pore. No picking— and if you must use a tissue. Poetic, metaphoric, disgusting, insanity...what's on your mind? Open the flood gates, release the Kraken and let us wash over your brain like liquid velvet madness.

APPLAUSE, “ENCORE, ENCORE!” (Taking a bow) “No, no you’re far too kind. Please take your seats and ladies put your tops back just a minute.” Checks notes. “Well, ahem, let’s see if we can keep the rest of this as innovatively entertaining. Never actually written before a live studio audience before...” Well this is just ridiculous!

A lifetime is an indefinable span of time that varies per species and individual, with no set parameters. Wanna argue that point? Consider this: The average human lifetime is 70 years. By this speculation you could reason that a person aged 35 years could view their life as half over. Looking back at the first half fondly (or hated) and reflecting on and learning from their experiences. Perhaps taking this first half into consideration they look for ways to make the later half more enjoyable and fulfilling.

That sounds awesome in theory but what if...while they’re in this deeply contemplative state, they aren’t paying attention, get distracted, and step in front of a bus? In the blink of an eye their life expectancy is literally cut in half; dead at the age of 35. Now we have to reevaluate their lifetime. Should they have been contemplating the second half of their existence when they turned 17.5? Yeah, right, because we all know at the age of 17.5 we are seriously considering our future...well some people do, but for most it takes a little longer for us to get it.

Live for the moment, savor the day. You could get hit by a bus in 17.5 more years or tomorrow...Now we have to reevaluate again. Seriously what 8.75 year old is planning the later half of their lifetime? Worried about retirement benefits before they even hit puberty. And what if they’re hit by a bus tomorrow?

Struck down in your prime and left contemplating death at the tender age of 4.37500? You’ve just finished and mastered walking, talking and not pooping in your what are you going to do with the rest of your life? We’ll have to stop here because you get the point (or you’re stupid) and the math is giving me a headache. Besides there’s something more important to take into consideration-—Where the f*** are all these buses coming from?

Are they like big yellow school buses? City buses? Charter tour buses? Do they have “YOUR DEMISE” in their front next destination display? If we knew to look out for these buses could we avoid them, maybe hide from them? If we stay off the street could they still get us? Would they smash through our houses and run us down? More importantly, can they be destroyed? If they were all destroyed would we become immortals? Hmmm they seem to gather at terminals and schools. Should we ban together and get them while they sleep? No, because they’d just play dead and we’d get charged with trespassing, destruction of private property, etc. You can be sure a judge would not side with a “killing evil buses for the survival of mankind” defense.’s hopeless.

Guess the best thing to do is to live your life to the fullest until your bus comes. Since you never know when that will be, guess you better get started...Seriously, move your ass now! There could be a bus stop around the next corner. Your life expectancy is NOW!

I welcome almost all questions and comments either through the Focus, or just E-mail me at Or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!




During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry


Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set


HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages


For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!


Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!


A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending


The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke


The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide





BannerEventAd-01.jpg   fanjoylabrenz.jpg

PO Box 1721 | Hickory, NC 28603 | 828.322.1036 | Office Hours: Mon. - Fri. 9am - 5pm |

Home • Reviews: MoviesAdam Long • Editorials: FocusHave Chainsaw Will TravelSid On SportsBobbi GSara MawyerPeople PicturesPlaces/PeopleExtra Events Listing
Out Of Focus • News: Local NewsNational NewsHoroscopes • Info/Links: Staff/ContributorsList Of AdvertisersOnline AdvertisingOnline ClassifiedsContact UsFocus BLOGStoreLinks

© 1978 - 2018 Tucker Productions, Inc.