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May 22, 2014

Inquiries are oft made by aspiring writers, readers and random strangers: “Where do the ideas come from? What’s your inspiration? Are you certifiably insane? How do you find the time to write?” The answers: my mind’s perception of reality; lotsa stuff!; maybe. And the last answer being the subject of this week’s column, which came to mind when inspired by a friend and will probably come across as insane. Finding the time, with a full time job, managing a household and being a full time grandparent: where do I find the time? That’s easy—I don’t! It has to be stolen. Snatched up in a minute here and a moment there.

To help you to better understand, this week’s column shall be typed with all interruptions included.

AFTER THESE COMMERCIAL MESSAGES

It’s 5:55 a.m. and I’ve managed to get a cup of coffee. a cigarette, an idea for an article and the title typed in. “Pappy-ah pappy-ah!” the waking wails of my darling two year old grandkid (a.k.a. Tot) echo through the house. And we pause...for the next 2 hours and 25 minutes till my spouse Lil Red (a.k.a. Grammie) relieves me. Time 8:20 a.m.

So where were we? I ponder, trying to reclaim my thoughts. Ah yes, finding the time. Once you have selected your subject matter it’s best to truly consider whether or not you have enough to say about said subject to actually begin your composition. If it’s not one you’re familiar with, learn as you go and instruct your readers to...

Tot taking over

8:45 a.m. Though she’s sincerely sorry to interrupt, Red informs she’s making eggs for Tot and wants to know if I’d like some also. Yes of course, because they are yummy. Tot meanwhile squeezes his way past her into the room and then pitches total hell when she drags him back out. 8:55 a.m. we continue.

Recollection of thoughts...If your subject matter is unknown to you then you can always write in a manner that lets your reader know you are learning along with them. Some people find this manner of reading material encouraging because...

9:23 a.m. Breakfast is ready...and I’m informed it’s getting cold. 10:04 a.m. back at it.

Where was I? Oh yeah. Readers may find comfort in knowing that they are not the only ones baffled or curious about a particular subject. In letting them know you share their position you bond with them on a more personal level. Playing the role of fellow student as opposed to...What the f***?

10:37 a.m. Bazooka, our Corgi/ Shepard, is going out of his mind just outside my window. I must investigate. Ah, it’s his old nemisis...nothing. He is scolded with “the look.” Sitting back down 10:42 a.m.

The role of fellow student as opposed to teacher. Then again if your audience is more...

10:47 a.m. and the rapid pitter patter of little feet is followed by Tot bursting through the door in the same fashion Kramer would enter Jerry’s apartment on Seinfeld. “PAPPY!” More feets, as my daughter (his mother) follows in tot pursuit. Cue “the look!” Well it’s time for a cigarette break anyway. 11:15 a.m. Two smokes and some playtime later...

Some people prefer to view reading as an enlightening as well as educating experience. They would rather sit before you rather than....

11:17 a.m. Well I have to pee sometime. 11:20 a.m. Now on with the...no wait it’s not just pee. 11:45 a.m. Now on with the show.

Some readers want to, in a sense, be taught. They like to think of the writer as someone more enlightened than themselves. Why read something from a peer when something from a superior would be...

12:01 p.m. My train of thought goes off track and crashes in a fiery inferno, falling down into a gorge full of rabid pigmy goats. 12:25 p.m. reclaiming the track.

Uh....

12:26 p.m. The realization that I have no idea where this was going and even if I did I can’t remember and I ‘m out of time and space.

12:27 p.m. The realization that I just filled the page without really trying that hard and biding you the reader a fond “Adieu” till next week.

I welcome almost all questions and comments either through the Focus, or just E-mail me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com. Or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!

 

 

ARCHIVES:

Lilies Considered

The Passage Of Furry Little People

Broken Conversation Pieces

Momentary Lapse Of Realization

During The Zombie Apocalypse

And You Can Drive It Off The Lot...TODAY!!!

Th-th-that’s Not All, Folks!

Relation Termination

Bound & Determined

Waste of Saving Time

They Oft Go Awry

SELF LAMBASTING

Mud and Memories

The Devil Came Down, Part 2

The Devil Came Down

Chainsaw’s Random Trivia Tidbits Or Useless Crap You Probably Don’t Know

Undead Offensive

Estranged Stranger

The Wee-wee Hours Of The Morning

Trying To Stay Focused

Annual Demise

‘Twas The Night Before Santa Claus Was Coming To Town!

Slay Bells Ring

Embracing The Holidays...In A Strangle Hold!

The TRUTH About Thanksgiving!

Stuff To Be Thankful For, Because After All, It Is Thanksgiving

Used Children

Primitive Mind Set

HELL-O-WEEN 4 THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF…AND BIGFOOT WITH HERPES!

HELL-O-WEEN 3: Co$tumes

HELL-O-WEEN 2 Is It The Devil’s Holiday?

Helloween Left In The Dark

To The Naked Eye

Something Else

Trivia To Soothe The Savages

MOTOSIERRA, SCIE à CHAîNE, ??????, ERRA ELéTRICA, Αλυσοπρ?ονο, CHAINSAW

For Decades

Lights... Camera... Distraction

Webster’s DictionaryThe Chainsaw Edition Vol. 2

Webster’s Dictionary THE CHAINSAW EDITION, Vol. 1

You Only Get One

Picture Imperfect

Can You Imagine Dragons?

Putting The ‘Itch’ In

Grow Up!!!

Night of the Living Dead...Alligators?

Littering Is Still Bad!!!

Zoo-Illogical

Bulimic Nation

Warning: This Article May Contain Nuts!

Distractions

A Better Mousetrap

A Little Soul-Rending

Life

The Battle En...Shoes?

Americana Forgotten! A Train Of Thought Ride

The Evil Dead

Shooting From The Hip

Reminiscing A Dump...Truck

Another Good Friday

Political Race...ism?

Seven Stages

The Joke

THE BEAR AND I Part 2: RETURN OF THE Q!

The Bear And I

Scouting It Out

Chainsaw’s Dating Guide


 

 

 

 

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