It has been said “Good things come to those who wait.” Many believe this mantra has its roots in biblical origins, as the same “many” believe all things do. It’s true; many verses throughout religious writings can be attributed to indirectly referencing the “benefits of waiting.”  However, most of these are directed towards out- (or other) worldly benefits such as eternal life, the second coming and literally waiting on god himself (herself, itself, themselves? – depending on your beliefs and respective perspective). None are used in the same context, tense or wording as the actual adage.

In truth, this is an old English phrase extolling the virtue of patience. The related phrase “all things come to those who wait” was originally used (not originated by, but first used in print) by Violet Fane, in 1892, in her poem Tout vient ß qui sait attendre, the title translating to the phrase itself. In more recent years it has been used in advertising campaigns for Heinz (in the 1980s) and Guinness (in the 1990s and 2000s). One can understand the beer brewing process taking time, but who in hell wants to wait for ketchup? We were all thankful when the squeeze bottle was invented.

Initially this “waiting for good things” seems like positive reinforcement to the benefits of having patience. Patience pays off and all good things will come in time, etc. On the other hand it can come across as a polite way to say, everyone else has already beaten you to the good things box and you’re SOL.

What are these “good things” and why must we wait for them? Are all things you have to wait for necessarily “good”? If you have to wait for a thing does that make that thing good by default? You always have to wait at the doctor’s office and may get diagnosed with a permanent incurable STD. How did that happen… you waited… in the waiting room? Where’s the “good thing”? Is there a separate secret “good thing” room? With better magazines? What went wrong? Did you not wait properly? What is the protocol for “good thing” waiting? Maybe you were sitting funny or in the wrong seat?

GOOD THING PACKAGESpeaking of being in the wrong seat, what if you’re aware of a “good thing” and decide to wait for it, but then can’t get to it? Case in point, you opt to wait till you get home to use the restroom. Because the bathroom at that restaurant you were eating at seemed a little sketchy. Then you get stuck in traffic and end up pooping your pants… just a little… unless it’s the squirty kind and then…we won’t go there. Once again, what happened? You waited for a secured “good thing” and, for that matter, the “good thing” is still there… being a “good thing.” Shouldn’t it have come to you? Hmmm maybe it was also stuck in traffic. Do traffic patterns affect good things? Apparently all “good things” do not come to those who wait… in traffic.

Mayhap any security found in waiting for “good things” comes solely in the sense of obtaining material possession based “good things?” If you strive for something and work hard towards a material “good thing” goal, then surely your wait will be worthwhile… right? Well… not necessarily and probably no. While you’re working towards a “good thing” someone else is getting it on credit. Depending on what the “good thing” is, you’ll either pay a higher price or have to settle for a used “good thing” by the time you can afford it.

Apparently if it’s beyond our control, seemingly in our control, or over our budget limitations, waiting for “good things” may be a pointless endeavor. Or maybe we’re not waiting long enough? How long are we supposed to wait for these things of goodness? Indefinitely? Then when and if they do happen, do we weigh the allotted wait time, versus the goodness of the thing to determine if it’s come to us? WTF? Is there not a scientific equation for this so we can formulate the “good thing wait” ratio? Or perhaps it’s more of a literary equation we should be looking for?

So they say that “good things come to those who wait.” They also go on to say, “good things come in small packages.” In this we can discern that “good things” will only be little. Thus in contrast we can surmise that “bad things” would come in larger packages. This explains why “bad things” happen to good people; because they fall under the false presumption that the bigger the package the more good a “good thing” is. However, regardless of the relative size of the “good thing,” they also say that all “good things” must come to an end. This makes the wait time ratio to goodness irrelevant until we can determine the average lifespan of a “good thing.” This may all be unnecessary, because as they say, “the best things in life are free!” So we don’t have to wait for “good things,” why wait around and settle for temporary good when we can have the best! Who’s rating these things anyway… probably they.

In conclusion the final analysis reveals that the solution is we find “they” and force “they” to tell us where all the best “good things” are, then divide them equally amongst ourselves… no waiting, just grab what you can.I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at [email protected] or you can FRIEND me on Facebook under Saw’s Brood!

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!