chainsaw_headerLong gone is the evening, as darkness falls across the land, the midnight hour close at hand. Yes, the hour grows later by the minute, in a desperate race to reach a destination sought hours before. Exhaustion ebbs and as the night enshrouds the promise of a piece of moment’s peace beckons from beneath the comfort of the comforter. Slowly sorely sinking, quietly quickly collapsing onto and into the memory foam mattress; that conforms to every warped and worn-out curve and contour. An extra poofy pillow catches and cradles an over worked and needlessly endlessly troubled mind. Hush… shhh quiet down and drown.

Wow! That was rather poetic and quite pleasing to compose. I shall have to make a note of this mentally relaxing activity for my memoirs on this subject (taking notes). Anywho… now back to the night, already in progress at this time…

“Carnival of Souls” –  the 1962 American independent black and white horror film plays on the small bedroom television. A cult classic that relies more on atmosphere than special effects to create a mood of unease and foreboding. Though this is not a silent film the volume has been tuned to nil. An appropriate pre-programmed accompaniment track will begin playing internally shortly. Ahh here it comes…

“In my eyes, indisposed, in disguises no one knows. Hides the face, lies the snake the sun in my disgrace. Boiling heat, summer stench ‘neath the black the sky looks dead. Call my name through the cream and I’ll hear you scream again… Black hole sun won’t you come and wash away the rain? Black hole sun won’t you come? Won’t you come? (Oh won’t you come?)”- 1st verse and accompanying chorus from the song “Black Hole Sun.”  Written by front man Chris Cornell of the American grunge rock band Soundgarden and released in 1994 as the third single from the band’s fourth studio album Superunknown.

Mental images override the visual. A dark, foreboding sun is slowly encompassed by gently swirling, blackened apocalyptic clouds As the chorus to this 90’s grunge rock anthem begins a rhythmic repeat…and…we’re…out!

And…we’re awake! The other half of the bed is alive with movement; the little wife unconsciously running the tips of her little toes up the back of my calf. Toss, turn, flip the pillow, get up, go pee, lay down and “Black hole sun won’t you…”

“Pappy?” a little voice pleas from the darkness. It’s the grandson and it’s only been a couple of hours. “I had an accident… there are sounds… I’m scared… can I get in your bed?” sometimes it’s all of the above and that’s just fine—chock up another in an endless series of restless nights. There’s no rest for the wicked or weary. Wait does that mean I’m a witch? Because “wicked” usually pertains to witches… a weary wicked witch? No that’s not right, male witches are called warlocks, so are there wicked warlocks? Weary wicked warlocks?

B-RELAXINGOften I am told I think too much and go off subject alot. This is usually followed by being informed that I also try to do too much. These statements almost always precede the inquiry of whether or not I ever just chill-out and try to relax. What is this “RELAX” you speak of? Is it a lack of thought and action? That is called “sleeping” and as it’s been made abundantly clear- for me there’s nothing relaxing about it.

Is relaxing just a lack of thinking? If that’s the case then how would you know you were doing the relaxing if you didn’t think about and acknowledge it was happening? Would you just kind of blip-out and have to rely on others to inform you that the relaxing had occurred? Or is doing the relaxing a well thought out, motionlessness lack of action? No, that’s called a coma.

What is this “RELAX” you speak of? And why is everybody but me doing it?

Webster’s defines “relax” as- Re·lax- re’laks/verb 1. Make or become less tense or anxious. Hmmm so what would a constant state of intense anxiousness be called…Batman! Have you ever seen the Batman relax? No! And he’s pretty intense. But wait Batman is also (spoiler alert) billionaire playboy Bruce Wayne. Bruce always seems rather laid back when he’s not wearing rubber tights. Perhaps herein lies the secret to relaxing, one must become a vigilante crime-fighter/billionaire to relax! Seems like a lot of effort to accomplish something so effortless. Digging a little deeper perhaps multiple-personality disorder or schizophrenia is the psychological key to unlocking the secret to relaxation. Hey, it works for Batman.

Dark restless knights aside, what is relaxing? Doing something that makes you less tense or anxious which would mean doing something that makes you happy, I suppose. In doing so your mind would be free from worries and doubt and you’d just… relax? Hmmm, now what activity do I have that can be done alone (because I am right now), eases my mind and makes me happy? Oh I know writing! This means YOU have been here interfering with my only relaxation resource this whole time! How dare you! Why deny me this,mine only break from the rigors of this world? Well that means there’s only one thing left to do… put on my Batman suit, grab a good book, kick up my feet and crank up Soundgarden.

On a closing note, on a completely different subject, I feel compelled to mention that recently my beliefs in a higher being have been brought into question. That perhaps there is a… well let’s just say he works in mysterious ways. Hopefully we’ll explore this more in the future.