Note to the reader: This column is not – Have Chainsaw Will “Travel—Sports” which apparently they do now. Always have extra snacks on hand in the event some sports do happen to drop by on their travels…oh a baseball and hockey stick have stopped for a visit…get the chips and dips. In other words, despite this week’s title, this article has nothing to do with basketball; as this writer views sports much like porn- “If I’m not playing I have no interest in watching!” If you’re looking to read about the NCAA Division I Men’s Basketball Tournament or other sports stuff just flip a few pages ahead and rest assured Sid’s got you covered.

Let’s gain an understanding and come to terms (in a literal sense) of the difference between ignorance and stupidity. When a person is ignorant they lack knowledge, information, or awareness about a particular thing. When a person is stupid they have or show a great lack of intelligence or common sense. By definition this means an ignorant person isn’t stupid ­— just uninformed and that a stupid person is ignorant by default because they lack the capacity to be informed.

That being said, if ignorance is bliss my formative years and adolescence should have been much happier times. And my entire life has been just one big joyfully ignorant misunderstanding, with no one ever explaining anything to me, literally left to figure out and comprehend just about everything on my own. Guess everybody just assumed I knew then and still assumes that I know stuff now … yes, I KNOW EVERYTHING, based on the plethora of knowledge gained by Saturday morning cartoons, a lot of imaginative guessing and repetitive trial and error.

Case in point my misguided, misaligned, misinformed misunderstanding of “March Madness.” We use this example because it’s March and it fills me with madness that only in recent years someone explained to me what the hell this was. Never being big into sports, ignorance is claimed on this one.

Initial imaginative impression: OK. So…St. Patrick’s Day is in March and it has something to do with leprechauns, which we all know are magical Irish midgets that make cereal. They’re always fighting about not having enough potatoes, which they hopefully aren’t putting in the cereal. So in March when the potato juice runs out they have to drink green beer instead…which is really gross with marshmallows. Thus they are mad…during March! Hmmm, not even close? How about…

Preceded by Valentine’s Day professions of love, March ushers in spring, a time of rebirth and reproduction, halfway through the month. The madness implied occurs during the 1st half the month which precedes springtime. Because everyone’s going mad wanting to act upon all those professions of love and get onto the reproducing part. Being a true romantic my heart says yes…but that’s still not right…Wait I got it!

So as the weather warms up the military will want their soldiers marching more and that makes them mad. Or maybe its marching bands angered at upcoming springtime parade schedules. But if you joined a marching band would you really get upset about doing what the name implies?

OK. Let’s forget March and focus on the madness part. Do more people go crazy during this month? Do mental health facilities runneth over? Perhaps tis the Ides of March and the bad luck it is believed to bring that pushes people to the brink of insanity. Then they start seeing all those little Irish guys, ready to fight a marching band, over a bowl of cereal because they’ve fallen in love with…wait…what…basketball??? Leprechauns love basketball?

Oh, March Madness refers to basketball. Why are people mad at basketballs? What’d a basketball ever do to invoke someone’s anger? Or is it the basketballs that are mad or insane? So in March inanimate objects can feel emotions and suffer mental anguish? That’s awesome! When do lacrosse sticks gain self-awareness? My baseball bat looks… nervous!?!

Alright enough ridiculousness, by now you get the idea and if not here it is. Talk to your children. Explain things to them or they’ll never expect explanations. Teach them it’s OK to ask questions and if you don’t know the answer then find it together. It’s true you can’t fix stupid but you can be held partially accountable for ignorance.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me directly at [email protected]. Hope to hear from you, until then try and stay focused. See ya!