There is an unspoken Saturday morning ritual at the House o’ Saw. This weekend rite consists of a battle between yours truly and a sink full of dirty dishes. Left from the night before, with the option of breakfast dishes sometimes thrown into the mix. Done for the sake of spousal sweetness and because dirty dishes sitting around is just grosso-el-e-osso.

Why not buy a dishwasher? Because it strikes stupid to pre-rinse (oft prewash) dishes until you have enough for a load. 2 to 4 hours to wash, then gawd only knows how long drying before you put them away — IF you put them away and don’t just live out of the dishwasher. Making an all-day task out of something that takes less than 15 minutes. That’s why… in case you were wondering.

While waiting for the sink to fill with warm suds, my attention is drawn out the window into the backyard. There, a large turkey buzzard can be seen feasting on some unfortunate former critter. This is ironic. Less than 24 hours ago there was a candid conversation with Lil Red (that’s the spouse) about setting up a carnivorous/scavenger bird feeder. That’s actually a thing — though I would advise against it, as neighbors may object to having roadkill strewn across their lawns. Ah, sink’s full.

Hmmm, after a thorough scrub this first dish feels to have some sort of residue on it. Let it soak and… hey this cup feels the same. OK. let’s try some utensils. Ack they all feel weird…what the hell is in this sink? Hard REBOOT- remove all the dishes, scour the sink, refill and… it’s still there!!! Maybe a dishwasher isn’t such a bad idea. But seriously what is all over these dishes??? Oh crap…it’s on the countertop too…is it spreading? Calm down…don’t break stuff…let us think this through (insert thoughtful chin stroke here)…OMG- IT’S ON MY FACE!!! Let the panic ensue!!!

No… hold-up…wait… what’s this crap on my fingertips? Oh… residual Gorilla Glue resin- from last night’s project. Despite what the product suggest, DO NOT attempt to glue gorillas… the zoo will kick you out. That wasn’t the project last night but still… they will kick you out.

Mystery solved, dishes done, now to hit the store before anybody else wakes up and wants to go. Keys, cigarettes, phone, Gorilla Glue (you never know when you may need to glue a gorilla) and the face mask. It’s an unwelcome accessory, but after wearing one daily for a month, you kind of get used to it.

You see the FOCUS is an unpaid freelance gig, so there’s another nine to fiver that pays the bills. In order for said employer to operate, during this time of crisis, there are certain stipulations in place. Such as — all employees must wear face masks, at all times, while on the premises.

Though it seems a hindrance you can’t overlook the educational and health benefits. No more unhealthy on the job snacking, unless you turn your mask into a mini-trough. Face masks are not snack slingshots, one Frito up the nose — lesson learned.

Smoking becomes less appealing when it tastes like you’re doing it for 8 hours. Oral hygiene is important, your breath does stink and you’re stuck with it all day. Do not belch in your mask — OMG just don’t! People don’t talk as much, having learned to express more with their eyes and…”Hey…what did you just look?” There’s a sense of kinship in crisis because we all look the same.

“Wait’da minute there Mr. Chainsaw-man, you said you wuz goin’’ to the store…not work. So why’re ya wearin’ a mask when you ain’t gotta? Cuz the guberment toldja too? Or are ya skeered of the virus?”

The government didn’t tell me to, the CDC asked me to and so I kindly oblige. What moron isn’t wary of something that can kill them? However, neither is the reason I wear a mask in public. No, we don’t have to wear face masks when out in public, but I do wear one, to show support for those who do. Those who are required by law to, so their place of employment can stay open, so my family can get the things we need. To let them know they’re not alone and that I truly appreciate those behind the masks.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me directly at [email protected].

Hope to hear from you, until then try and stay focused. See ya!