“To no surprise – one hundred degrees Fahrenheit! People getting dead y’all, eating brains outta your head n’all. Folks are screaming… out of control! It was so suffocating when the zombies started to explode! I heard somebody say… (Burn baby burn) undead inferno (Burn baby burn) burn the walkin’ dead down (Burn baby burn) undead inferno
(Burn baby burn) walkin’ all over town! Satisfaction… came in Chainsaw’s reaction (Burnin’) he couldn’t get enough, so he had to self-destruct! The heat was on, the uprising wouldn’t stop! Everybody going strong, and that is when my saw got hot! I heard somebody scream- “Ack… they’ve got me…. Owie… Quit biting my head… arrrggghhhhh!!!” Variation on The Trammps theme of Disco Inferno… because much like zombies, disco is dead.
A few years gone by, a potential pending zombie apocalypse was all the rage. Films, television series, comics, mass marketing of any and all things undead and candid talks of survival around the office water cooler. Some folks (we won’t say names) actually took it upon themselves to prepare for the impending event. Now, faced with a pandemic that could very well lead into the real thing … (crickets chirping) an undead uprising is the last thing on anyone’s mind.
Perhaps this is because the whole “zombie” thing, much like the “pandemic” thing, has reached and breached its social media interest peak. “Next mindless trending thing that will get views, comments and likes please, ‘cause that’s what it’s all about…Hokey Pokey aside. Funny thing is a zombie apocalypse, much like a pandemic, doesn’t require your approval, likes, loves, caring hugs or continued interest to happen.
Lack of interest, awareness or knowledge is potentially tragic, especially now because right now we are at the apex of reanimated corpse season. Fall— harvest Winter — rest; Spring — rebirth, and Summer — zombies; pretty sure that’s in the Farmer’s Almanac somewhere. Yes, zombies are a definitive summer pastime. You see the undead prefer summer… it’s simple logic — zombies don’t know how to put on clothes, so in winter they’d get cold. But as their clothes and body parts decay and rot off they adapt perfectly to summer weather.
Well we can’t seem to make you aware that you’re not interested, but we can increase your knowledge of how to deal with an undead inferno.
Chainsaw’s Quick Guide to Dealing with an UNDEAD INFERNO… (or fun tips for surviving the zombie apocalypse when it’s really, really hot outside).
1. Water, liquid, hydration — bottled if possible. This will be, or should be, on the top of any survival list, undead or otherwise. Because if you don’t stay hydrated you pass out, die, and become a zombie or pass out, get bit, die and become a zombie.
2. Water! Not to drink, to bathe with because it’s hot and you will get stinky. The undead will be drawn to and other survivors driven away by your stench. You need friends… living ones, so wash-up.
3. DO NOT SET ZOMBIES ON FIRE! They become walking torches. It’s hot and everything’s dry. Don’t risk burning up forests, cities, precious supplies or yourself.
4. Flamethrowers and Molotov cocktails are a bad idea. Zombies are scary enough, no need to set them on fire — flippin’ zombie flambé all over the place! Besides when it’s hot out, carrying around fire is stupid.
5. Fire extinguisher! Have one on hand because some people won’t have read about how carrying around fire is stupid.
6. Shelter and shade. The power won’t stay on forever and a generator’s fuel supply is finite. You’ll have to seek out safe shade to rest in during the hotter part of the day.
7. Nightrider…not to be confused with Knight Rider… there are no talking cars in the apocalypse. But you can grab a bike and do your supply runs quietly in the cool of the night.
8. Practice social distancing. They’re rotting, walking corpses and want to eat you…this should be a no-brainer or will be if you don’t.
9. Burning the bodies. Yes, fire bad, but the only way to properly dispose of the infected is to burn the bodies. Just make sure they’ve stopped moving before you light ’em up.
10. Wear a mask. This will not prevent you from becoming a zombie, but if you become a zombie it might prevent you from biting me.
I welcome almost all questions and comments via the FOCUS, or E-mail me directly at – [email protected]. Hope to hear from you, until then try and stay focused. See ya!
