dic·tion·ar·y / ’dikSHe nere/ noun: a book (or electronic resource) that lists the words of a language (typically in alphabetical order) and gives their meaning. Often also providing information about pronunciation, origin, and usage.
Noah Webster (1758 – 1843) published his first dictionary in 1806, his last in 1840. After his death, George Merriam secured publishing rights and published a revision in 1847. Thus, the defined legacy of Merriam-Webster continues to this day.
When modern social-media masses contemplate the dictionary, often they think of it in 10 Commandment terms. An age-old set of rules for diction and vocabulary. Set in stone by an ancient civilization from a bygone era. To only be used for grammatical errors (that spell check won’t check), and heated Scrabble disputes (do people still Scrabble?).
In truth, the dictionary is constantly shifting and changing its content to keep up with our ever-changing world wordage and expanding terminology. Each year hundreds, if not thousands, of words are submitted and considered for admission with a choice few added to it. While older outdated words are updated, altered or removed from it altogether
All the while vocabularians (studiers and creators of new words) continue to challenge Webster’s by creating new words and terms. Posing the question of – how can “anything” not be considered a word? After all Webster’s itself defines a word as: a letter or group of letters, written, printed or spoken, having meaning and representing a unit of language. So technically anything you say, that can be written down, sounded out and defined is a word.
With that well worded logic in mind, let us take a moment to screw with the English language a little. Redefining some old words and creating some new words of my own design.
a**hole: a shallow pit in which donkeys are kept. baboom: the sound a primate makes when it explodes. bi-cycle: washing machine setting for crossdressers. blowjob: position as wick tester in a candle factory. bootiful: what a boy ghost calls a pretty girl ghost. bootyfull: when you fill out the back of your jeans to maximum capacity. boredumb: when you’re so bored it’s stupid. catnap: the act of stealing other’s cats. constantpation: when someone is always full of s***. cross dresser: an angry piece of bedroom furniture. diehard: when a male perishes whilst experiencing an erection. diehard 2- a.k.a. dieharder: same as before just more intense… we will not even discuss diehard with a vengeance (as assuredly some form of necrophilia is involved). erector-set: when Viagra fails… Forest Grump: when Tom Hanks is in a bad mood. grapple juice: juice made from mixing grapes and apples… that you have to fight for. grocery listless: when you can’t remember what you needed at the grocery. hay-bail: what horses pay to get friends or relatives out of jail (that’s like a backwards dad joke). honkey tonk: the sound made when striking a caucasian person on the head. iglue: adhesive for frozen items. inconvenience store: a store that’s hard to get to, has a terrible layout, bad lighting and nothing anyone would want. lighter fluid: slang for any dietary drink. light-switch: when you change your mind just a little bit. liquorish: gummy candy that sorta kinda tastes like booze. melon collie baby: the offspring produced when the specified breed of canine consummates with a ground bearing fruit. nakid: how a Norseman tells a child- “No”. nuditea: an herbal beverage to drink when you’re nude. octo-pus: what comes out when a squid pops a zit. oldometer: an instrument that indicates if you’re too old to be doing what you’re doing. perverspective: when you see things with a dirty mind. P.O.V.: seeing the world from Darth Vader’s perspective (get it- Point Of Vader). radioactive: a condition in which your car stereo is on. Rambow: a violent rainbow with PSD… and a big knife. reboot: when you feel compelled to kick someone a second time. rubbing alcoholic: a masseuse that drinks too much. Scrabbled eggs: eggs that compel you to spell longer words prior to consumption (triple yolk score). serenitea: any herbal beverage that has a calming effect. sin-fill: what you use to reach being sinful. trycycle: a period of repetitive attempts with trying something new. watermelody: the soothing acoustics produced by thumping watermelons. writtend: when a writer reaches the end.
I welcome almost all questions and comments via Focus, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya.
