Let’s slip down South, loosen up the Bible belt that’s cinched so tight to hold in all those guts (which are assuredly bursting full of Holy water). Take a look at those who believe that you can do whatever you want all week long and as long as you’re in church over the weekend and accept Jesus as your personal lord and savior, everything’s going to be OK. Whoa, hold your offense—we are not talking about Christians…this week. Rather we are talking about- “god people.”

To clarify we are not speaking of “God’s” people. Those would be people who are chosen by God to serve God and do God stuff (whatever He says). We are talking about “god people!” These would be the ones who are on a constant mission to save everyone else’s soul because it’s easier to judge others than it is to judge oneself. Believing wholeheartedly that once they’ve said those magic words their souls are saved, by the grace of gawd almighty, forever and ever amen! Salvation is rarely so simple, and comes at a much higher price—ask any Jewish carpenter. And yet this is what they believe, oft not practicing what they preach. Now far be it that we question anyone’s beliefs, unless their beliefs become questionable.

One day a god man struck up a conversation. Since he didn’t appear to be trying to save my obviously heathen soul… this time, I listened raptly. The subject was “road-kill,” or rather how to avoid making it. I brake for squirrels (also slow down for butterflies and mice, stop to aid turtles and the occasional woolly worm). He laughs saying he’ll cross the double yellow to hit those furry tailed b*****ds. Would go off-roading for a rabbit and clean out a ditch or two to nail one of them pesky groundhogs. As he left the parking lot I noted his W.W.J.D. bumper sticker. Well surely he wouldn’t be going out of his way to run down innocent creatures with his Ford F-150 would he?

One night at a bar another god people wanted to assert how he gave no s***s. He relayed a story from his workplace of a young man whose masculinity was “questionable.” Since the boy didn’t match up to he and his co-workers’ “manly standards” they labeled him as “queer;” this surely due in part to a limited vocabulary and lack of empathy towards anyone a little different from the norm. Despite the young man’s heterosexual claims, they mocked and teased him relentlessly. Bringing him literally to tears by saying they were going to tell his mother of his “homosexual tendencies.” The boy’s efforts to make friends were met with scorn and persecuting insults, which drove him to attempt suicide (thankfully he just found another less job with fewer a-holes). He was a coward, the god man said. Couldn’t take it, tried to take the easy way out and he feel no guilt, responsibility or remorse. To this day I like to look at this god man’s endless Facebook post on his god’s compassion, acceptance, forgiveness and understanding when I need a good sadistic laugh.

In a church (yes I’ve been to a few) a god lady seemed to turn every faith-based conversation around reflecting upon her losing an infant child – sincerest sympathies for anyone who experiences this horror. The fact that she was able to accept it as “god’s will” was commendable, but when asked what she would have done had there had been a physical human threat to her child, her answer was questionable. The god lady said that had she awoke on the middle of the night and found a predator in her baby’s presence she would do nothing to halt the intruder. That if someone attempted to kill her child, her family or even herself, she would do nothing. Refusing to interfere with her “god’s will.” But if you were to stop said intruder with say a few choice blows with a baseball bat or loads of buck-shot wouldn’t that classify as “god’s will?” What would Jesus do?

Each of these god people mentioned above come from different denominations and separate religious backgrounds. Yet they all cling to the basic “Christian” mantra of eternal salvation due to simple proclamation and you had best accept their belief, too, or be damned to hell fire. Now far is it from me, the silver-tongued devilishly clever heathen that I am, to question anyone’s beliefs, but seriously?

How can anyone be hawking and endorsing a product they don’t use correctly and effectively themselves? Having faith in something doesn’t mean that it works; you have to show that it does by proving it works for you. Just because you “believe” doesn’t elevate you to a higher plane it just means you believe. With any belief you have to get down amongst the rest of us and point up in awe so everyone, including yourself, knows what you’re all looking at. And if you are delusional enough to believe that despite whatever else you do or say, that a onetime act will save your soul and seal your fate to a positive outcome, then no one is going to believe you.

Well… that concludes this week’s sermon from the 1st Church o’ Sorta Holy Stuff. Reverend C. Saw will now step away from the pulpit. There’ll be a visitor’s luncheon following this week’s service and vespers this evening. Oh and don’t forget our Wednesday night prayer vigil and Bingo tournament. Let us close by turning to page 1929 in our hymnals, Hell’s Bells.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or email me at [email protected] .

Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!