“Step one, you say, We need to talk. He walks, you say, Sit down, it’s just a talk. He smiles politely back at you. You stare politely right on through some sort of window to your right, as he goes left, and you stay right. Between the lines of fear and blame, you begin to wonder why you came.” Lyrics excerpted from “How to Save a Life”, by American alternative rock band The Fray, circa 2006 from their debut studio album of the same name. Though taken out of original context here as a more literal, literary means to an end.
Whether you’re dating, living together, married or just shacking up, some things will forever remain the same. Hypothetically universal scenarios that can and oft do arise. Inevitable heartfelt or heartbreaking confrontations that are bound to occur… unless someone is lying or you’re very lucky.
Neither have been drinking or smoking. Sobriety is in order. Both are well rested. So, there will be no blame laid upon intoxication, exhaustion or understanding.
They are alone. There is no need for speculating spectators who might unintentionally confuse the situation with unwanted, wanton opinions. This is between them and them alone.
At home or what passes for it. No need to make things public. For the sake of possible potential embarrassment, or location taking away from or adding to the sincerity of it all. No, it will take place in the place most comforting to the recipient whom by now he knows.
Without outward affection, to avoid any misinterpretation, he says, “We need to talk.” In all the English language one of the most feared, reviled and revered collaboration of syllables. To be honest, if she has been paying any attention at all. If she is aware of the other half of this union, she supposedly holds so dear. Then what’s coming should come as no surprise. As they sit.
Though he has known this was forthcoming for some time, it has gone unplanned. Sure, he’s thought over what he might say or how he might say it. But it has only been lingering till opportunity arrived.
There is no way to emote this in a way that wouldn’t seem like a preempted emotional ambush.
So, his opening statement is direct to the point, simplified and racked with raw honesty. “I’m not happy!”
Confused counters may follow. What’s wrong? With what? Why? Rarely is there realization.
All of this. Us. I just am… I’m just tired of this. Dare not tread into the realm of “It’s not you it’s me.” Because it is a lie. It takes two to tango, but if you stop dancing long enough you both forget the steps.
In truth he is miserable in his current reality. This is not what was expected or wanted to be. Just walk away and start anew. Though it seems simple this is difficult to explain with understanding.
She cannot accept the void of reasoning. There must be a reason. Not wanting to take or give blame for fear of irreparable damage, she plays the common card. “Is there someone else?” Once laid on the table it’s hard for the player to see little else in their hand. No matter what else remains in the draw pile their poker face is wiped clean.
The answer is a resigning “No”. With the knowledge that any further pursuit of the issue adds fuel to the fire. Burning “someone else” into the others mind.
He’d sought a mutual understanding. A group effort to painlessly untangle the threads of the knot they’ve woven. Though it will hurt, they’d suffer together one last time. Then go their separate ways no harm, no foul. Resigned, he knows the straightforward, honest attempt has failed. So, suck it up and suffer, till a more opportune opportunity arrives.
Why is it when someone wants to go, we do our best to force them to stay? Seems kind of selfish, doesn’t it? Why want to be with someone who has openly emoted a desire not to be with us? Rejecting instead of realizing that it’s already over for our own sake? Choosing to go against “unconditional” when the condition is an end.
Next Week: Love is in the air as Valentines Day approaches. And therein lies the punchline to this week’s column.
I welcome almost all questions, comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya until then try and stay focused! See ya.
