chainsaw_header“Baby, if you’ve ever wondered, wondered whatever became of me. I’m living on the air in Cincinnati… Cincinnati, WKRP. Got kind of tired packing and unpacking; town to town and up and down the dial. Maybe you and me were never meant to be, but baby think of me once in a while… I’m at WKRP in CincinYnati.” (Opening theme from the television series- WKRP in Cincinnati (1978-1982); performed by Steve Carlisle).

At this time, as this is being written, the writer is preparing to embark on a business excursion to Cincinnati Ohio (thus the theme song) for further education. At this time, as this is being read, the reader becomes aware that the writer has already returned. Thus transcendence is achieved between two separate time frames, merging into one moment, based on the principle that the reality of what is written doesn’t exist until it is read.

Thus from your perspective this trip, which encompasses 4 days and a 14+ hour round trip, has only taken a matter of seconds. Nowhere near the time it actually will or have taken…unless you’re a really, really slow reader. So are you now a literary time traveler? No, silly pants, your perspective on the matter is simply different. So did this time span actually move more quickly for you? Not really, but more importantly were you having fun? If you were then you were having it without me and you suck!

Time flies when you’re having fun, right? However, it also seems to take wing when you’re in a desperate hurry. When you’re racing against it to meet a deadline or trying to get to an appointment. Neither of which is very much fun and yet the clock is spinning like a helicopter blade ready to take off. It flies when we’re distracted by good times with friends or when we’re preoccupied by conversation with strangers… unless they are really boring strangers, not the exciting ones with candy…don’t get in the van!
Does physical time actually move faster at certain intervals in life? The answer is obviously NO! Time is the one constant in our universe that maintains a steady unyielding consistency. It does not falter and always passes. This being said, there is one slight contradiction to the rule. The perceptive passage of time is a matter of individual perspective. Based on how much of it we think we have or how much of it we know we have left. It is also subject to how quickly or slowly we willingly want it to pass whilst watching the clock.

Furthermore, human beings have the uncanny ability to experience time standing still while it is flying away. For example (and why it was referenced) with this upcoming trip there is a sense of vibrant excitement blended with one of impending doom. Wanting to just get on with it so it can be over and yet hoping it doesn’t go too quickly, for fear I’ll miss something. In a hurry to get on the road, so I can get back home, but not really wanting to leave in the first place. The clocks within the House o’Saw are straining their gears and burning up their digital readouts to try and keep pace with my hurry up and wait while we wait to hurry up state of mind. It’s taking forever for the departure time to arrive but it will be here all too soon. Then there’s the question of will it be an eternity before my return or the blink of an eye? It all comes down to a matter of perception.

Sadly we cannot control time. We can’t make time with our friends and loved ones last any longer. Nor can we make our time away from them pass any faster. We can only find reassurance in the fact that all things come in due time and to do what we can till our time is due. Hopefully while reading this article the time that transpired was expediently pleasant for you.

Now it seems only fitting that since we came in on a classic TV theme we should end in the same manner with the show’s end credits theme. The problem is that WKRP’s parting note was nothing but gibberish set to a hard rock beat. So what follows is a rough translation of said gibberish.

“Mad tooth bartender, BAZING outta her head! Still do the modern-day wackamo did uh-huh… I said- a good bartender, I’d had a beer an heada… I said, I wouldn’t do it and the poodle audin did uh-huh!” (Closing credits theme from the television series- WKRP in Cincinnati (1978-1982); performed by Jim Ellis).

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Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused. See ya!