“Life’s like a road that you travel on, when there’s one day here and the next day gone. Sometimes you bend, sometimes you stand, sometimes you turn your back to the wind. There’s a world outside every darkened door, where blues won’t haunt you anymore. Where the brave are free and lovers soar, come ride with me to the distant shore. We won’t hesitate… to break down the garden gate… there’s not much time left today.” Lyrics excerpted from Tom Cochran’s original (not the flat rascal’s cars cover) “Life is a Highway”, circa 1991.
It has been said that two wrongs do not make a right. However, in contradictory matters of multiplication, two negatives make a positive. Then again, being negative isn’t always wrong. So perhaps direction is divided in this comparison.
Mathematical laws aside, two wrongs still do not make a right, but three lefts do. So, when things aren’t going right, go left… right? And that’s just what we’ll do. Now sit down, shut up, buckle up. Watch me for the changes and try to keep up.
Let us depart from the driveway, where we are parked and go for a drive on the parkway. Make that make sense (thank you Gallagher R.I.P. 1946-2022 for that insight into the confusion that is the English language). It’s like pulling out into traffic. Which we will proceed to do but still sounds like a confused sex thing.
Uh oh, looks like we’re already off to a bad start on our jolly jaunt. But how does that sign know we’re going the WRONG WAY? Yes, I can clearly see we’re on a ONE WAY street. But the problem eludes me as we are only going one way. Which is apparently the wrong way according to that sign… and all the people coming at us with horns blaring. Hmmm, imagine living on a ONE WAY DEAD END street. You can never go home or never leave.
Calm down, we’ll just cut through this shopping plaza and… oh… hmmm NO THRU TRAFFIC. But the fast-food joint here has a DRIVE-THRU? So, we should be okay, right. Maybe the loophole is to not go directly “thru”. We’ll park here for a minute in this convenient HANDICAPPED space. What? I am rather handy and wearing a cap. Besides, aren’t we all a little bit handicapped?
Hang tight while I step out for a quick smoke… yes, I am “quitting” not “quit”. Seem to have forgotten my lighter… ah there’s my solution. However, it appears the FIRE LANE isn’t working properly, so let’s move on.
Thru the drive-thru, in the no thru, right to… YIELD? Nay we shall not yield to your triangular tyranny. Have at the nave! Note: street signs are hung on big metal sticks that will rip off your muffler if run them over in protest.
Anywho… back on the road and yelling to be heard. Hey, would you mind handing me that… no wait. It’s a NO PASSING ZONE. Okay we’re clear. Now pass me that non-alcoholic, recyclable contained, beverage. Don’t drink and drive, or litter while buckling your safety belt, because only you can prevent forest fires.
What’s that? Sorry I was doing a PSA collab. Yes, I saw the SLOW CHILDREN AT PLAY sign, and it was very misleading. Did you see how fast those little bastiches moved when we tore through there?
1…2…3… REDLIGHT! And at a CROSSWALK too. Look at all those miserable people passing by. Why must it be a “cross” walk? Why not a happy walk? Oh, there’s Jesus bearing his dogwood burden, so that explains it.
Now that sign says RIGHT TURNS MUST YIELD. You know how we feel about that. So, damn the tyranny we’ll just go left. Guess we could have waited for the light to change, but where’s the fun it that… why does it smell like pee in here all of a sudden?
“I come from a land down under…” where’s that music coming from? Oh, we just passed a MEN AT WORK sign. LET’EM WORK LET’EM LIVE– As opposed to unemployment and death? Okay.
Now here’s a dilemma- BEAR RIGHT. And I think we all know how I feel about bears (I am afraid) so that makes our 3rd left. Which means we go right from here into the new year.
I welcome almost all questions, comments via Focus, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.
