Greetings dear reader. For those of you loyal patrons who’ve consumed my bs on a weekly basis, this is old hat. For those unfamiliar with the format, we have an annual tradition here at Have Chainsaw Will Travel. Throughout the entirety of the month of October we’ll be sharing tales of fear, fright, terror and sorta scary stuff. All leading up to that most horrific of holidays- All Hallows Eve. So, sit back, relax and enjoy the ride… if you dare “Muahahahaha… “cough” “hack” sorry something stuck in the pipes. Anywho – Welcome to Hell-o-ween!
So… how was your hurricane? Auntie Helena dropped in for a seasonal visit. Bringing a s*** load of high-speed winds, flash-flood rain. Both attributing to wet airborne debris in her overnight bag.
Personally (with mine employers preset delay) amidst the maelstrom I departed for work as always on Friday morning. Less than 200 yards into the drive a sizeable tree limb came out of nowhere (I suspect from a tree) struck the car and wedged itself amidst the wiper blades. Hmmm wiper fluid isn’t washing that off, it will have to be removed manually.
After stopping, stepping out and getting pelted with wind, rain and more sticks… Well, the verdict was f*** this and I drove back home and called it a day. Yes, we had it some bad around these here parts. But many in those there parts had it far worse. Were you prepared? Were you scared?
Some may scoff at those of us who turn back from the eye of the storm. “What’s wrong wussy? Are ya scared of a little wind and water?” No, but there is a very real fear of property damage. The car isn’t paid for. And that missed pay from a day’s work, probably won’t cover any potential damage it may incur in transit to said workday. It’s called- basic math.
Perhaps, before you go citing and judging someone else’s “fear” it may behoove you to understand it’s source. Likewise, others can learn to accept and excuse your ego-matic ignorance. Besides, hurricanes aside, there are many more things in this world to ignite fear in all of us. Things like…
Bears! Yes bears. Bears will kill you and eat you… perhaps not in that order. First and foremost, on this list, #1 will always and forevermore be bears. Although mass shootings are pulling a close second now-a-days. The joke of our government, with the social mass media circus of our current electoral selection as the punchline. The fact that some think “Dumb and Dumber” is a classic piece of cinematography. Crying babies that suddenly stop and stare when you make eye contact. Being confronted by angry, cigarette smoking kangaroos, in pinstripe suits, with tommy-guns- a group of roos is called a mob after all. Like being murdered by a murder of crows? Finding you watch wayyyy too much National Geographic. Waking up in bed with a stranger (man that was good candy). Discovering that said stranger is dead. Realizing you are the one that killed the stranger. Finding out you have multiple personality disorder- and perhaps you are also the stranger (think about that). Not knowing where you are. Knowing exactly where you are with no way to get out. Discovering that your boy/girlfriend (equality) was never really your friend. Finding your car won’t start, after storming out of a heated argument. A flat tire in a bad neighborhood and it’s your hood. Getting THAT phone call in the middle of the night. The moment you realize you won’t make it to the hospital in time. Dying alone. Dying with enemies. Finding out that the gummy-worms you’ve been eating were purchased at a bait and tackle shop. Finding worms in your stool. Realizing that, while in a drunken haze, you’ve cut up your furniture. Persistent furniture salespeople, that follow you through the store and won’t shut up. Buying something you regret and can’t return. Getting into a tv series, that gets canceled, with no conclusion.
Conclusion seems like a good idea. We all have fears in some flavor or another. Even those who claim to fear nothing are afraid they’ll be proven wrong. Maybe we’ll find their (or your) hidden horror along the way next week as Hell-o-ween continues.
I welcome almost all questions, comments via Focus, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.
