Last week we addressed the Coronavirus (a.k.a. COVID-19), directly by name for the first time in this column’s history since the pandemic took ahold of the world several months ago. Up to that point, we’d managed to discuss the subject matter, without subjecting you to the actual subject of the matter. Refusing to acknowledge it by any proper name or actual title, not for the sake of ignoring it, just not wanting to give it any more media presence than it’s already claimed. Then…something happened.

If you missed last week’s column… well, that’s too bad. We covered proven methods to avoid contracting the Coronavirus. How you can quickly recover if you have contracted it. As well as a simple household remedy that can cure the virus. In addition we whittled down all the conspiracy theories and disclosed who is responsible and how and what we’re going to do to them. Yeah, you missed a lot by not picking up this fine piece of newsprint last week. Guess you’re just SOL!

Seriously though, we didn’t discuss any of those things — just wanted to make you feel bad for missing an issue — which you should, because you shouldn’t! If you didn’t then HURRAY! You’re attentively awesome and already know where we’re heading. As for the rest of you slackers… watch me for the changes and try to keep up.

Friday (June 26th) a friend, whom I see on the regular, feared exposure to Coronavirus and decided to get tested. Wednesday (July 1st ) said friend, despite being contamination conscious and carefully COVID-19 cautious, claimed contracting Coronavirus. By that afternoon yours truly is at the clinic with Q-tips up each nostril. This is where we left off last week and then…we waited.

Responsibility takes precedence in proper procedures and work is immediately informed and informs — a mandatory 14 day quarantine from date of exposure is reluctantly required. So a week-long 4th of July furlough turns into two. Social distancing for the sake of safety becomes severe, no meals with mom or fraternizing with the father-in-law. Warnings are issued to family and friends alike – STAY AWAY, Abandon hope all ye who enter here, just leave it on the porch pizza guy, BEWARE, BEWARE!

Of course this was a little more difficult for those who share residence at the House o’ Saw.

Simply walking through a room meant literally climbing the walls to ensure social distancing. Then, having to wear a mask and washing hands to wash dishes or fold laundry. Being chased from place to place with a can of Lysol… eventually a lot of time was spent just wandering around the backyard. Using the bathroom became a whole new ritual in sanitation: wash your hands, Clorox-wipe the seat, now wash your hands again. Sleeping arrangements… who can sleep when you face the unknown?

As the days dragged by, Saw3 (that’s the live-in grandson) became flustered with no goodnight kisses or playtime with Pappy (a.k.a. me). Lil Red (a.k.a. Mrs. Chainsaw) was consumed with concern. Every cough, sneeze and throat clearing was questioned. “How are you feeling?” and “Let’s take your temperature…again!” replaced “I love you!” Considering the circumstances, they all meant the same.

Test results usually take 2 to 4 days due to volume of test subjects. By Day 6 anxiety and irritation peaked. It was no longer concern or worry it was a matter of am I sick or what? Days 7 and 8 were bits of hell on earth for all involved. Trying to stay busy, take your mind off it. Watch another season of Hoarders then stay busy again, throwing things out so at least you won’t have two illnesses to possibly deal with.

The morning of Day 9 (Thursday July 8th) was damned near the breaking point and when the phone rang it was lunged for. Yes, this is me! … (pause) … your test results are … (longer pause)… negative!

A wave of relief washes over; cooling nerves and quelling tension. It’s over… but not really … it’s still out there. Just because you’re positive you’re negative doesn’t mean you can’t be positive later because you can’t be positively positive till everyone’s negative. Next week: Something else… other than this.

I welcome almost all questions and comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me directly at – [email protected].

Hope to hear from you, until then try and stay focused. See ya!