Salutations dear readers and welcome to another exciting action-packed episode of Have Chainsaw Will Travel! For those of you tuning in for the first time… ya suck for not tuning in sooner. But you’re here now, so let’s make the best of it.
As you regular readers (thank you for your continued patronage) already know (and newbies will eventually figure out) this is a completely creational concept where columns are concerned in the fact that it alters- topic, format, and writing style on a weekly basis. So, you never know what to expect when you flip over to good old page… whatever page this happens to be on.
However, you can rest assured that you’ll never see the same thing twice; because you never know what to expect when you flip over to good old page… Opps. Well, any-who… enough with the salutatory formalities. Let us cut the crap, proceed with the proceedings, get right to the subject matter at hand and break out this week’s tantalizing topic.
Apologies for that bulls**t intro. I laid that out in hopes to discourage the academically gifted (sarcasm) whose only concern is- “Did Chainsaw write sumthin funnie?” No, you morons, it is not some thing funny. For that matter- I detest the fact that most people assume that this column will be humorous and full of gags on a weekly basis.
There are important issues brought to light here. And this column deserves just as much dignity and respect as… umm… as… well as other stuff that’s dignified and respectable. Now that we’ve gotten that straight, let’s move on to a more serious bit of subject matter. Wait… I have to… umm… need the room of resting… it’ll be just a… oh gawd did that noise come out of me?!? This may take a minute, so hang loose.
We’re back, and that wasn’t restful at all. That room’s name is a deception! But for those of you who’re concerned- yes, everything came out o.k.
Now, two weeks ago, we discussed a growing UFO conspiracy theory. That we have already been invaded by extraterrestrials in an “Invasion of the Body Snatchers” film styled fashion. Did you know that movie has been remade 4 times? Invasion of the Body Snatchers- in 1956, Invasion of the Body Snatchers- 1978 remake, Body Snatchers- 1993 remake, and The Invasion- 2007 reboot.
This has Jack and s*** (and Jack left town) to do with this week’s article. It was just a little bit of accidentally excluded trivia from two weeks ago I thought you might find interesting. And you’re welcome. Besides, the real issue here is of far greater importance than snatching bodies.
Have you ever got a song stuck in your head? I only ask because for some reason my brain keeps playing parts from some randomized pop song. I’m not even sure why or where I heard it. That’s not our topic but it keeps blaring on and on like it’s… it might be Karma Chameleon, but it comes and goes… it comes and go-oh-oh-ohs.
So where were we… oh yes, this week’s subject matter. Oh wait, bowels are moving again… holy s*** what did I eat? Back again, but let me grab a smoke before we continue that took a lot out of me, literally.
Ya know it has become painfully apparent that there seems to be some procrastinating in getting to this week’s topic. In all honesty though, isn’t that how life is? We get started going in one direction, only to find ourselves being pulled in a dozen others. That’s not the topic I had in mind either, but it seemed like a pretty profound point, so I thought I’d make it.
And now we find ourselves, the bottom of the page, the final paragraph and all we’ve done is subject hop and delay the inevitable. My dear readers, the sad truth of the matter is that despite my most valiant of efforts and multitudes of resources there has been no recent weekly writing inspiration. Ergo, I’ve no deep thoughts or intriguing insights to offer you this week.
Yet it felt that if I tossed out enough crap (literally) and could stall long enough, I could at least get you to read this mindless rabble to its pointless end… and here we are.
I welcome almost all questions, comments via Focus, or email me at wanderingchainsaw@gmail.com. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.
