chainsaw_header“So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is…fear itself – nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance.” Excerpt from the first inaugural speech of Franklin D. Roosevelt, as the 32nd president of the United States, Saturday, March 4, 1933.

Really? That’s the actual quote? Well damn, you mean to say I’ve been misquoting that line all these years? And nobody ever called me out on this? Of course not; most of you probably couldn’t remember it per verbatim either and none of us were in attendance that day, so we’ll let it slide.

Besides, we’ve been using it in a completely different context. Whereas FDR was asserting that we can accomplish great things if we look at problems face on, rather than being held back by fear. We were taking a more literal route, in that the only thing to be afraid of was actually being afraid.

It would seem Merriam Webster has our backs on this. As fear is defined as “an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat.” So fearing nothing, aside from the actual fearing of something makes logical sense… right? Not fearing so much what we fear, but rather fearing the feeling or sensation experienced when we fear it. Gawd no matter how you say it, it just sounds stupid, but you get the idea… probably.

So there’s nothing to be afraid of except… being afraid. But you’ll still require a frightening catalyst to set that emotion into motion. Fortunately for you here at HCSAWWT we have an annual tradition that lasts an entire month and begins right now. One that can provide such frights and terrors that will incite and ignite the fear you fear within your soul. We call it Hell-o-ween… and if you think fear is your only fear… think again; because there is much to fear out here. Things like…

BEARS! Bears will always and forevermore be at the top of the list. Bears will kill you and eat you ­– perhaps not in that order.

Running from something you can’t identify. Identifying a flying object and its inhabitants are getting out to get you.

Identity theft. Finding out you aren’t who you thought you were (think about that). Everyone else is realizing this.

Being bullied as an adult. Discovering that you were the childhood bully.

Having no friends as you graduate into adulthood.

Finding out your kids don’t really like you either. Being judged by children. When babies smile and giggle, as they’re looking beyond and behind you.

Waking up with the sensation that you’re not alone in the room. Waking up alone. Getting up to check “that noise”.

Discovering that unicorns exist and there’s an angry one in your kitchen. Stepping on something warm that oozes between your toes in the dark. Realizing you should have taken the dog out before bed or that the angry unicorn has defecated on your linoleum.

Old linoleum tile floors that look like something is growing in between them. Falling through the floor. Falling in public and people laughing. Falling in private with no one there to help.

Helping someone who doesn’t appreciate it. Feeling helpless.

Little yappy dogs that suddenly go quiet and stare. Dogs that bark at “nothing” in the darkness. Seeing what they’re seeing or sensing.

Realizing your spider-sense is tingling because there’s one on you… a spider. Seeing a large spider, on the lip of the tub, when you’re mid-potty emergency. Running out of TP. Finding out what paper towels and socks can do to a septic tank.

Being in a bus accident when you’re in said bus’s lavatory… with no TP.

Dying young. Dying old and not really having enjoyed any of the preceding events.

Being the first casualty in the early stages of a cool apocalyptic scenario. The realization that a zombie apocalypse will probably never happen.

Well, as you can see there are a lot of things to be afraid of out there, and this is just the tip of the terror iceberg.

Tune in next week as Hell-o-ween continues, same FOCUS time, same Chainsaw channel.

I welcome almost all questions, comments via FOCUS, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya until then try and stay focused! See ya.