chainsaw_headerTwas the day before Easter and all through the pad, everyone was preoccupied- of that I was glad. A basket was set on the table with care, in hopes the bunny would drop something in there. The grand saw was V-Ring back in his room, the wife on the patio working a broom. And I in my black 47’ Brand cap, was sitting right here to start writing this crap. When to my left there arose such a…

“Huwry huwry!” (kick, kick, kick) WTF? Looking down and there’s my stuffed yellow bear sidekick John Que… kicking me. Aww how cute, he’s kicking so hard but it’s like being pelted with cotton balls and… Ow shite! He just wracked my shin with his sawed-off shotgun!

What the heck John? “Huwry huwry dwive the fiwre twuck!”- (this is J.Q. speak for an EMERGENCY) which he squeals as he races off. Sigh, better see what this is about.

Out of the house, across the lawn, over hill and dale… John where are we going? “Thewr’s twouble in the henhouwse!” he yells, racing ahead. Oh no! Trouble in the hen house could be trouble and… we don’t have a henhouse! Ah, he means my father-in-law’s henhouse… oh gawd please don’t let him shoot a chicken!

Entering the coop to a threatening- “Fweeze mistewr!” followed by a joyful- “Oh! It’s you!!!” giggles and the sound of breaking eggs. Rounding the corner, a discarded shotgun, a yolky mess and John Q. hugging… the Easter Bunny… of course.

John offers to help with the egg-gathering, but EB shakes his head- “It’s okay, I brought a friend.” Sensing someone behind me I turn and… Jesus Christ… literally. It’s the son of God in sandals, Bermuda shorts and a “What Would I Do” t-shirt, cradling an armload of eggs.

So many questions. But before I can ask, John’s invited them to the house for a light “bwrunch”. Thus, back to the house we went.

Over coffee and carrot cake, answers were forthcoming. “With so many kids to hide for, the egg inventory was low this year.” E.B. explains thru a mouthful of cake, “So we’re borrowing some from local farmers to fill our quota.”

Well, that makes sense but, I thumb at the almighty, what is he doing here? No offense. “Verily none taken.” Christ replies.

“Oh,” E.B. replies, “he’s been on voluntary staff since his ‘last basket’ was delivered.” His last basket? “Yeah,” E.B. continues, “I had to deliver to his tomb, but there was this big rock in the way. So, some of my bunny buddies helped me burrow under it so it’d roll aside. When he came out, he said he had some time to kill before his official resurrection, so he decided to help out.”

Hold-up let me get this straight. So, on Easter morning… the 1st actual Easter Sunday. Jesus helped hide eggs before he ascended? “Yep, that’s about the size of it.” E.B. replies.

Fearing a lightning bolt from above at this seemingly sacrilegious proclamation… but doesn’t that counter Christian beliefs and delve into paganism? Jesus and the Easter Bunny hiding eggs together?

Jesus, setting down his Life is Good coffee mug, addressed the room. “Why must all people look to persecute and label anything that brings their beliefs into question? Rather than seek peace and compromise? I died on the cross to absolve mankind of sin and provide the promise of everlasting life it’s true. That’s what everyone focuses on, every Easter- my persecution, death and resurrection, but that’s not all it meant, not all it was for. Yes, you can live free of sin, so you can more enjoy the sinless events you experience. Yes, everlasting life, but look for the joy in the life you’re living today. The laughter of good children, kindness of strangers, the embrace of a loved one… quality time spent with family and good friends.” With this last he toasts the room. “And the hiding of eggs to bring joy to those who seek.” He pauses and says quietly- “I didn’t die for nothing, or for any one thing, but for everything!”

He finished, mugs and plates were empty. I provided a basket for their eggs, saw them to the door bidding them a fond farewell and happy hiding. There was really nothing left to say.   

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