“Won’t you come… to my funeral when my days are done? Life’s not long. And so I hope when I am finally dead and gone. That you’ll gather round, when I am lowered into the ground.” Lyrics excerpted from- “At My Funeral”, by the Canadian rock band Crash Test Dummies, circa 1991.
Oh sh…dookie… am I dead? When did that happen? Well, that sucks! Why didn’t somebody tell me I was deceased? It’d be nice to be informed on my untimely or perhaps timely- (can’t tell, coffins don’t have clocks) demise.
Ooh, does this mean this is being written from “beyond the grave”? Does that make me… dare I say- a ghost writer? Whoooooo! (insert assorted ghost noises here). Do you find these words haunting? Booooo…shite! Yeah, me neither.
Did it hurt? The dying part? Did I go quietly in my sleep? Or rather loudly in an emergency room? More importantly was it cool? There is no dignity in death, but life isn’t all that dignified either. So, we hope for the best at the last.
Were there any last words? “And don’t think it hasn’t been a little slice of heaven… ’cause it hasn’t.” “What do you mean I have to wait at the rainbow bridge?” “Ack! Where’d my leg go?!?”
If not, make some up. And everybody say it was something different. It’ll add an air of mystery and confusion to my passing… much like my living. Speaking of last words… did anyone delete my internet browser history?
How we go, what we say probably doesn’t matter- it’s over now. But it does make one wonder to what degree of awareness lies after death. When do we stop feeling? Stop thinking? Stop believing… don’t stop… be-lieving (too obvious?) Not in the physical sense, but beyond. When do we truly reach our worldly expiration date?
Oh, before I go, two humble funerary requests. First- please have someone, in the guise of Elwood Blues, flipping my favorite 45 vinyls on mine own vintage Califone record player for background ambiance.
Second- DO NOT bury me in a suit! Why in hell do we bury people in suits? They’re going to their eternal rest… who rests in a suit? Can you imagine sleeping in formal wear for an eternity? We should bury folks in pajamas. Personally, I’ll take my favorite flannel and my hat pulled low on my brow- thank you very much.
Does it really matter though? How we go, what we say, what we wear? This brings up that query of after the fact awareness. Anywho, the dying’s done and the earthly rituals are over… now what?
That’s the really big question isn’t it- What comes next? Is there an afterlife… after life? Well that all depends on your denomination, beliefs, faith or lack thereof.
For some it’s totally the end. Game over. 23 skiddoo and no forwarding address.
For those with some degree of religion its immediate (or delayed) ascension, judgement, with possible penance, purgatory. With maybe a quick stop by the bridge and onto greetings at the gates. Or a long painful plunge into everlasting hellfire. So many combinations and variations… collect them all!
If it is a big nothing? Well then, I guess we’re done here. Other than trying to imagine what nothing would actually be like.
On the holier-than-thou hand, with so many varying views and opinions, it would be hard to say what one’s fate could be. However, they all adhere to one common denominator. That being some form of judgment by a higher power.
“Only God can judge me!” So reads thousands of oblivious tattoos. And now here we are and there He She They Them It are too. Judgment day has just become more than a Terminator catchphrase.
So how will it go down? Quick sweet-salvation or insta-damned? Will we be allotted a Q&A session before sentencing? Whatever one’s fate, it’d be nice to know how things came to be, why they’re why they are and if there really is a “meaning of life”. An explanation of “mysterious ways” if you will. Guess we’ll all find out eventually, but it’d be nice if…huh…
Oh…this is embarrassing! Turns out I’m not dead… just napping really hard. My bad.
At least they followed my 3rd funerary request- there’s a spade hid in the satin lining. I welcome almost all questions, comments via through the Focus, or E-mail me at [email protected]. Hope to hear from ya, until then try and stay focused! See ya.
